Dear Adlee, 9 Months

October 16, 2013

Dear Adlee Mae,

You are just over nine months old. Your personality is coming out more and more. The phrases your daddy and I use to describe you include: “She’s a pistol.” “She’s a ham.” She’s determined.” “She’s a bundle of fun.” “She’s going.” “She’s not happy that I won’t let her…” I still call you “Punkin” “Punkin-Pie” and “Sweetie.” Daddy still calls you “Chunk-a-chunk”.

When you play, you like to bang your toys together, put them in your mouth, take them out of containers, and (sometimes) put them in containers. Last night, you thought it was really funny to put your toys in my mouth.

Your favorite activity is climbing the stairs which you did for the first time on October 2. You go up those stairs very quickly if we don’t have the gate up.  I think you like that the upstairs isn’t baby-proofed, and there’s lots to get into.

You’ve been mobile for a while now. You started crawling on July 12. You started using the furniture to pull yourself to standing around July 21. Now, you stand and sit easily on your own, walk along the furniture, pull yourself to standing using walls, and even stand without holding anything for a few seconds to close to a minute. In September, I went to some garage sales and found a toy with a handle and wheels (a baby walker) for you. On September 28, I was watching TV while you played on the floor. The next thing I knew both that walker and you were standing right next to me! I set you up to walk again and called for Daddy. You walked across the living room with that toy several times that night. Now, it’s one of your favorite things to do. You are so proud of yourself.

You started to interact with us more in the past few months. One of your favorite games for the first few months you were able to crawl was “Where’s Mama?” I’d go hide and call loudly, “Where’s Mama?”, and you’d come find me. I loved seeing you smile really big when you first saw me. Lately, you seem to be tired of that game. Around the same time you started crawling, you started playing “So Big.” You stopped after a few weeks. I guess you got tired of it.

You go to nursery every Sunday, and Mama takes you to the library most Mondays. You aren’t scared of other kids at all. You don’t interact a whole lot in those places yet, but when we go on walks with Noah Randall and his mom, you turn sideways in your stroller to look at and talk to him.

Your language and speech development has come a long way. You can make many consonant sounds most consistently, m, n, b, d, y, w, and g. You say “yay” and clap, but your left hand doesn’t quite flatten out all the way yet. You sign “All done” at the end of meal time. You have waved good-bye to people, but you don’t do it consistently. Often, you nod and say “Yup” or “yeah” when we ask you a question, but I don’t think you really know what it means.

You didn’t like food at first. You never really enjoyed anything pureed, but you do like finger foods. You enjoy peas and beans (navy, pinto, black, etc.). You like cereal and baby cookies. You’ve tried meats, cheeses, rice, noodles, fruits, and vegetables. When I finish picking from the garden and carry you and the container of vegetables into the house, you like pulling grape tomatoes out to eat. You haven’t choked. You are most interested in eating and drinking whatever Mommy and Daddy are eating and drinking.

Shelby and Sally have gotten used to you being more mobile. They let you pet them. Shelby lets you crawl over her. You like your doggies and laugh at them when they play. They like you and love sitting next to your chair at meal times.

You are really a loving girl. You went through a phase where you really liked to “kiss” (suck on) Mommy’s and Daddy’s noses. You still do it sometimes, but not as often now. You squeal and laugh when Daddy walks into a room. You fuss and follow when Mommy leaves a room. You lay your head on us and hold onto us.

We love you! I’m sure that by your one year letter you’ll be walking and maybe even talking. You are growing so fast!

Love,

Mommy

Reactions to New Experiences

Adlee and I were showering together today. She was sitting on the floor of the tub as I showered, then I sat down to give her a bath. We have on of those shower heads on a hose, and I brought it down with me when I sat down. Normally, I rinse Adlee off by pouring a bowl of water on her, so I wasn't sure how she'd react to having water sprayed on her.

I smiled as I sprayed her. She was surprised, maybe even shocked. But, she was not unhappy. She looked at me with her mouth and eyes wide open, then she looked back at the shower head as I sprayed her tummy. Soon, her wide open mouth was smiling as she tried to grab the water. It was a precious, precious moment.

It struck me how important my reaction was to her. If I had let her decide how to feel, she might have been upset by the new experience. Instead, I gave her a clear cue to tell her how to react. I smiled. She smiled.

Then, it struck me that she looked at me to see how she should react. If she hadn't looked at me, she might have been upset by the new experience.

We're supposed to be God's children. Jesus encouraged us to be childlike when he said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." Looking to parents for cues is something children do.

What a challenge to look for my Heavenly Father's reaction to the new experiences in my life! I'm sure, because He is a far better parent than I, that He'll be giving a cue to tell me how to react.

Love and Blessings!
Jordon

How to Work Out When You Have a Baby

Step 1: If baby takes long naps, put baby down for a nap. If your baby wakes up the moment she hits the crib sheets, skip this step.

Step 2: Pump. It will make a more comfortable work out for you. Also, if your baby is hungry right after the workout, you'll have something to offer other than your sweaty self.

Step 3: Pick up toys and tell the dogs to leave the room. Repeat during the workout as needed.

Step 4: Find Baby's favorite toy. Set her down near it.

Step 5: GO! You may only have a few minutes of peace. Get through as much as you can.

Tips:

• Find new "toys" she normally doesn't get to touch around the house to keep baby entertained. Make sure they're safe.
• When jumping around, watch for those dogs, toys, and babies. You can jump around them! You can do it!
• Be thankful when Daddy is around to watch baby.
• Be thankful when Daddy is not around to watch you.
• You know you're getting in shape when you stop the video for the baby more often than you stop it for yourself.
• Put baby in front of the TV. You can entertain her while working out. Six-month-olds think Power Jumps are hilarious (and, in my case, she's probably right).
• Turn the volume up so you can hear the trainer over the fussing.
• If possible, GET A BABYSITTER AND GO TO THE GYM.

Dear Adlee, 6 months

Dear Adlee,

You are almost six months old. You’ve changed very much during the past three months. You can move in all sorts of new ways!

At the end of April, you started to roll onto your side from your back. You started doing this to get to me to eat during the night. Yes, Mommy and Daddy let you sleep with us often.

The second week May you started petting Shelby (and Sally). You still love to grab her paws and pat her head. You also started to reach out to Daddy when you wanted him to hold you. That was a big week for you! You started to scoot backwards on your tummy, and you started sucking your thumb. You suck your thumb with your fingers outstretched.

During the last week of May, you started sitting up. You were not even five months old!

Around your five-month birthday, you started getting your knees under you. You would push up on your toes in a push-up/downward-facing-dog position. We also started giving you a sippy-cup. If you were on your back, you were pretty good at holding it.

In the middle of June, you started rocking on your knees. I’m sure you’ll be crawling soon! You also started banging your toys and hands on things.

At the end of June, Mommy and Daddy thought you’d really like to eat supper with us, so we gave you bananas. You weren’t a fan. In fact the second night, you gagged and threw up. The faces you made were so funny!

Daddy calls you “Princess” and “Chunk-a-Chunk.” Mommy calls you “Monkey Girl” because you climb all over me, and I still call you “Sweet Pea” and “Punkin Pie.”

You spend most of your awake time sitting on the floor with a blanket with your toys. Your favorite toy is probably your helicopter. Of course, you put many of your toys (and anything else you can get a hold of) in your mouth. You like to grab and suck on plastic bags and our couch.

You have been growing quickly, and you were about to grow out of your bassinet. So right before your five-month birthday, you started sleeping in your crib. You still spend lots of time in Mommy and Daddy’s bed.

We started a bedtime routine. We read books at around 9 pm. Then, we pray. Then, I feed you one more time, and you fall asleep while eating. It’s a precious time. I look forward to continuing this routine for many years.

You are a sweetheart, and we love seeing your personality! You are determined to learn. You are working really hard at perfecting your grabbing, picking up, and holding skills. And, you are working really hard at crawling. When you are in a new place or holding something new, you concentrate very hard at observing all you can. You love to laugh and have a great sense of humor. You were “talking” less for a while, but you’re starting to do it more again. Mommy and Daddy love to hear your voice!

Love you,

Mommy

I'm Learning

I'm learning:

• to do chores a little at a time.

I used to think I had to wait until I had time to do a chore (like weeding the garden, vacuuming the house, or cleaning mulberries) all at once. Now, I would never get anything done if I still had that expectation. It's okay to do a small section of the garden-it's better than nothing. It's okay to have the vacuum sitting out for days at a time because there's still another room to vacuum. Sometimes, it's okay to start vacuuming the house all over again before the vacuum goes back to it's home in the closet. It's okay if I have two bowls of mulberries--one with stems and one stemmed-- in the fridge all week long. My baby girl takes short naps and likes lots of attention, and I have work to do. This leaves me two three options: 

A) Ignore her, and get stuff done 

B) Play with her, and let the house and everything else fall to pieces. 

See? Both of those stink! I'm learning there's an option C. I can work with her on my hip teaching her along the way. I can work for the two-five minutes she's happily playing by herself. I can leave my work and be with her when she needs me.

• that there is no perfect, but better is better.

I had/have this problem. I think it has to be all or nothing. This lesson is closely related to the lesson above. In this case, I'm not talking about chores. I'm talking about avoiding all the crud "they" put in our foods, soaps, lotions, etc. I have this urge to be obsessed with buying organic and making my own. There are a few problems with this. First, it's nearly impossible (unless I decide to stop eating and die) to avoid eating anything harmful. Second, it causes stress and unhealthy obsession which are just as detrimental to my health as all the junk. So, better is better. I buy organic fruits and veggies most of the time. I make my own bread, but buy buns and tortilla shells. I'm going to try making soap, but it might be too expensive. Surely, the small efforts I make are better than making no effort at all. At least I'm putting less disease causing junk into my body.

• to listen to my "gut."

I learned as a child that I don't always get to do or say what I feel like doing. That's a truth. We have to learn to push ourselves to eat vegetables, get up early, go to work, etc. I've been pretty good at being able to do that. I push myself make friends when it's uncomfortable. I push myself to be unselfish and do what is good for other people. I push myself to do what's good for me. But, do I push too far?

I've learned in church to be careful about following my heart because according to Jeremiah (the biblical prophet) "the heart is deceitful above all things."

But, the gut feeling isn't necessarily keeping myself comfortable. It isn't necessarily abandoning truth (Truth) and reason to do what I "feel" is right.

I think my gut is made up of two things. First, there's a part of me that is more honest than the people-pleasing surface. On the surface, I want to do what other people want me to do. I want to make the choice that will make everyone happy. Deep down, there's a part of me that counts the cost. Too frequently, I ignore that part. I do what I think other people want me to do. I get in over my head. I become unhappy and stressed out. I feel like I'm drowning. If I'd listened to my gut. I would have said no. Or yes. There are times I say no because I think I'm going to cause an inconvenience to someone when I should have said yes because God placed a passion deep down in my heart.

Second, my gut feelings can come from the Holy Spirit. I believe God speaks to me about what He wants me to do, about what He has made me to do. I shouldn't let pleasing people hinder even in the smallest way doing what God has made me to do. 

• that there is freedom and power in not knowing.

Sometimes knowing will just cause more curiosity, assumptions, hurt, etc. Sometimes, it's better to just not know 

*why that person said that 

*what is going on with those people who are better left in my past

*what problems so and so has with so and so

I don't want to know!

What are you learning? It's important to stop and think about what God is teaching you about how to live this life.

Jordon

Don't say "Just wait..."

When we first got Shelby, I posted a picture of my cute puppy! Someone who had a puppy just a few months older than Shelby commented, "Just wait..."

In our classy little town, not all of us have postal delivery. Ryan and I have to have a P.O. Box. This morning, I walked to the Post Office and back with Adlee in her stroller. On our way home, we came across a man mowing for the city. He slowed down the mower to an idle as we walked by and asked, "How old is your baby now?"

"Almost five months," I answered.

"My little girl is four now," he said. I smiled. "She's a monster! Just wait three years. You'll be wanting to send yours back." I smiled again. "Have a good day!"

"You too!"

Now, my mama taught me an important lesson that his mama must of neglected to teach him: say nice things about your kids, and speak blessings--not curses--over them.

This man is not the only one who has done this. I've heard about how terrible she's going to be as a toddler and how terrible she's going to be as a teen. It's not right to predict evil over a dog, but it is TERRIBLE to predict evil over a child! People need to stop and think before they curse children like that!

I will not ever predict that my child will turn into a monster or that I will want to get rid of her. She may be a very well behaved child. That's what I hope! I can tell already that she has a very sweet heart. I know that she is sinful and will not be perfect, but I predict that on the whole, she'll be a good girl. I chose to think of her that way because that is the way I plan to raise her. I don't plan on raising a monster. I plan on raising a good girl. I don't plan on wishing to return her (as if that was possible). I plan on loving her, guiding her, and helping her past her sinful nature.

This time, I just smiled in reply, but if and when my Adlee is old enough to understand these nasty predictions people make about her, I will defend her! She needs to know her mama believes good things for her future.

Words have power, especially in the ears of little ones. Say good things about your child and his or her future. Say good things. Don't say, "Just wait..."

Love,

Adlee's Hopeful Mama

Jordon

Prepare for the Worst

Back when I used to watch A Baby Story everyday, I saw an episode where a woman was giving birth to her second baby. Her husband, a soldier in the Army, had been killed just months earlier. She said something like, "I never thought about the possibility of him not coming home."

I won't type the exact words I yelled at the TV--at her-- because I don't like to use that language. Basically, I called her a liar. I could not and still cannot even think that there might be a woman who sends her husband (or, to be fair, a spouse who sends his or her spouse) off on a deployment without imagining the worst.

Ryan and I were talking about it one day, and he said I'd probably be better off if he died than he would be if I died. It isn't that I love him less, but I feel that I have to be mentally prepared.

I feel this way even more with Adlee. I am so stinkin' afraid of SIDS that I have to imagine the worst. Almost every night, after listening for her breathing so I can sleep, I imagine what it would be if she stopped breathing in the night. How could I survive if ...and I wasn't somewhat mentally prepared? I know I can't be mentally prepared, but it's better to think through it now rather than when I am overcome with real grief.

Does anyone else think this way? You have to, right?

Don't get the wrong impression. I don't dwell on it. I don't "live in" the fear. In fact, I get all spiritual about it and remember that both Ryan and Adlee belong to God and that they would be waiting in heaven for me. I pray for God to help me give control of their lives over to Him which I know is ridiculous because, in reality, I have no control. Even though it's ridiculous, I still need to pray it. I think about it and move on.

Please don't think I'm overcome with worry. I know my worry wouldn't change anything, so I don't worry. I prepare. I don't allow my fear to paralyze me. I am facing my fear when I imagine the worst.

I'm sorry this was so dark, and I hope you don't think I'm mentally ill.

Jordon :)

Yellow Sleeper

Today, I teared up when I dressed Adlee in a plain cotton sleeper.

Last fall, I went garage sale-ing in my parents' neighborhood with my sisters and my dad. Jenna already had her three little ones, Joelle was expecting her second baby, and I was expecting my first--Miss Adlee. We were buying up baby clothes and baby furniture.

I picked, along with other precious little pieces of clothing, a yellow sleeper hoping my baby would wear it someday.

We walked back to Mom's and Dad's house--without a car we made quite a spectacle walking home loaded down with bags of clothes, toys, a little tent, and a toddler bed. I sat down and spread out all my purchases for Mom to see. For reasons I don't fully understand, it is really important to have her share my "mommy experiences" with me.

I remember trying to imagine what time of the year my baby would fit the yellow sleeper. I guessed it would be in the spring or summer.

At that time, the thought of this little wiggling, cooing, smiling, chubby-cheeked girl was just a hope.

My hopes came true today. Priceless.

Dear Adlee, 3 Months

Adlee,

You are three months old! You coo and “cough” at us. You started cooing and smiling at about 6 weeks. Now, Mommy and Daddy love to have conversations with you. Especially now that we can get you to laugh. You laugh when we hold you up over our heads or sometimes when we tickle your armpits. In the past couple of days, you have laughed when Mommy blows on your tummy. You hardly ever cried in your first few weeks of life, but you have learned how. Now, you let us know how you feel quite loudly. Your face really lets us know what you are thinking; your eyebrows are always scrunched together or held up high. At around 2 months, you started sticking your bottom lip out when you were really looking at someone. We called it your “I want a pony” face.

You have quite a few nicknames. Mommy calls you Punkin-Pie, Sweetums, and Shnookums. Both Mommy and Daddy call you Chunky-Buns (sorry!).

You have learned to soothe yourself pretty well. You sucked on your hands when you were first born, but eventually forgot and had to re-learn how. You started working on getting your hands to your mouth again at about 7 weeks. You still struggle sometimes. Now, you will grab a blankie or burp rag or Daddy’s hand and try to chew it. You started sucking on your lips a couple of weeks ago. Now, you also blow spit bubbles.

You rolled over for the first time at your 2 month appointment on March 11. The nurse practitioner just finished saying that you held your head up like a four-month-old when you plopped over from your tummy to your back. I was shocked, but I don’t think you were. You rolled over again on April 2, but you haven’t done it a third time yet.

You started sleeping four hours at a time at about 4 weeks, and you’re up to 6 hours at a time now. You have not slept all night yet. At first, the only way you fell asleep was when you were eating. Now, you can stay awake after a feeding, so we hold you until you sleep. Your favorite position is outward looking at the TV or whatever else is in the room. You don’t have a set schedule, but if we have nothing going on for a few days in a row, you will get in a grove.

You are a very strong girl. You’ve always held your head up well, and you have been able to sit or stand with just a little support for most of your life. You are able to turn your head to look around easily. You often kick your legs and swing your arms.

You like to have someone talking to you almost all the time, so Mommy has a hard time getting housework done. That’s okay! You’re most important! Sometimes, you are happy by yourself. I’ve started putting you in your exer-saucer in the past couple of weeks, and you like trying to touch the toys—working on hand-eye coordination--or looking at the pretty designs on the seat cover.

We read books. At first, your favorite was Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?. Now, you also like A You’re Adorable and books with pictures of animals.

We just went on your first Mustang ride. Mommy’s chair was all the way forward so we could fit your car seat in the little backseat. You fell asleep.

Love you so much!

Mommy

Better Skin: What's Worked for Me

Since I've had to work at clearing acne and fading acne scars for over half of my life, I've probably tried more cures than most people. I thought I'd compile a list of the best for you.

Best over the counter acne regimen: MaxClarity
I think the key is that it uses both salicylic acid and benzoyl peroxide.

Best masque to buy: Mint Julep Masque by Queen Helene
If you feel like your pores are full of oil and dirt, this will feel like it's sucking out the junk. It is also very calming and seems to reduce irritation.

Best masque to make: 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp honey, 2 tsp olive oil (for more moisture) or 1/2 tsp nutmeg, 1/2 tsp cinnamon, 1 tsp honey, 2 tsp lemon juice
This is a great for exfoliating. Exfoliating is very, very, very important for getting clear, staying clear, and removing scars.

Best prescription: retin-A (I use tretinoin.)
Do not use this during pregnancy. Do use this with a moisturizer because it can be very drying. It shrinks pimples and fades scars.

Best moisturizers: CeraVe lotion or (better yet) Jojoba butter
Keep it simple and pure.

Best astringent: witch-hazel
It seems to shrink my pores, removes dirt and oil, and soothes irritation.  I saw a huge improvement when I started using this.

My other advice is to improve your diet. This may sound gross, but pay attention to your colon. Whatever foods keep you from getting gas and keep your movements regular are going to be good for your skin. There is a connection between your skin and your colon. Have you noticed that the same prescription medications are advertised for both Crohn's disease and eczema?

Lastly, some of it is just hormonal and out of our control. Don't think for a minute that you can really control anything in your life.

Update on my face: I gradually cleared up from that initial crazy breakout from hell throughout my pregnancy. Avoiding dairy and sugar really seemed to help. I have dairy and sugar now, but my face still looks better if I don't. I have terrible, terrible scaring, but most of it is discoloration which will go away. Time, tretinoin, and exfoliation are helping.

Don't forget that the people who love you most think you look beautiful.

Hope this helps!
Jordon

Motherhood

I think I'm getting the hang of this... now, if she could just stay this age forever! Truth is...everything she likes today could be totally different tomorrow! Motherhood is so exciting!

Nursing

Don't read the rest of this section if you're afraid of TMI.

Nursing is messy! There are times I feel like those girls at the end of Austin Powers, shooting from both sides. When I feel like someone is filling water balloons under my skin, I quickly grab a burp rag to shove up my shirt. There's no point in using nursing pads because I'd just walk around with wet itchy pads all day. My chair has milk stains on both sides where milk has run down my sides.

**Note: I was reading back over my previous posts and realizing my humor is kinda dry. My hope is that you laughed through that paragraph. If you didn't, go back, read it again, and at least smile!**

My girl is a cluster feeder meaning she'll go hours without eating, then eat (shoving burp rag up my shirt as I write) several times in a few hours. During those times, it'd just be easier to go without a shirt, and sometimes I do! There are many, many times I leave my shirt up and my bra down because I've moved to cuddling, burping, or diaper changing without even thinking of it.

Sleep

Adlee Mae sleeps 4-5 hours for the first chunk of the night, we get up for an hour, and she's back to sleep for 2-3 hours. It's enough for me! I'm not a great sleeper, myself, so this isn't much different than my pre-baby schedule.

Lately, Adlee takes three naps a day: morning, afternoon, and evening. When she skips a nap, I trade getting some cleaning, exercising, or relaxing done for holding a grumpy baby: fun, fun, fun! Honestly, I should appreciate those days more. Holding my girl is WAY better than cleaning or exercising!

It took a few weeks to figure out what makes Adlee sleep. Here's what she needs: to be sitting up and to be warm. She spits up a little after eating, so laying her down in a flat bed after nursing did not work. It was frustrating to be picking her up after I thought she was going to stay asleep--I'm so thankful we don't do that very often anymore!

Speaking of laying her down and having her wake-up, I have to brag. She falls back to sleep all by herself. Her eyes might be wide open, and I can just lay back down. She'll fall asleep on her own.

I know I've only had one baby, but I'm going to get up on my attachment parenting soapbox. She is a good baby, but I also think she's able to fall asleep by herself because I've always responded to her noises quickly. She doesn't cry at night because she doesn't have to. She knows that if she can't sleep by herself, I'll cuddle her in my bed. I think she can fall asleep by herself because she feels secure.

Staying at Home All Day

Is totally awesome as long as I get out or get a visitor every once in a while. My sweet husband is totally supportive and understanding when I don't get much done. He tells me often how happy he is that I am taking care of our little girl.

Smiles!!!

Her smiles are the best! I've never wanted something so much. I'll do whatever I can to get a smile, and so will Ryan. We say all sorts of silly things in high pitched voices. We make faces and funny noises. I could imagine how much I was going to love her--that's why I wanted her! I could never imagine how much I was going to want her to love me. I don't need it, but I want it. I find myself thinking about how God sees us. He felt that feeling so strongly that He was willing to sacrifice His Son.

Loving Being a Mama,

Jordon

The Birth Story

The birth story. I have no creative way to start, but I know some of you want the details. I'll try to find the appropriate balance between details and discretion, but I am already thinking I'll fall to the side of giving too many details--consider this your warning.

The Beginning

Labor is a loose term defined differently by different people. If you think that labor starts when dilation starts or even by the time a woman is four centimeters dilated, I was in labor sometime before December 7 (35 weeks). 

On December 7, I went back to school to say good-bye and tie up loose ends with my replacement, ran errands, and planned on going back to school for a Christmas party. Well, I had contractions all day. They weren't extremely painful or any different than the stronger contractions I'd been having for the two weeks prior, but since this was the first time they lasted all day, I called the nurse. She had me lay down and time the contractions while drinking lots of water. I timed the contractions for an hour. I thought I'd been having contractions every ten minutes. It turns out they were only four minutes apart. 

At this point, I had already decided to stay home from the Christmas party, and I thought I'd just feel better if I went to get checked. I called my parents on the way to the hospital, and they started on their way. Ryan was in Dallas at a class, so I was just going to keep him informed. 

When I got there, the nurse thought I was four centimeters dilated. Then, the midwife thought I was five centimeters just an hour later. I was admitted. Ryan started an all night long drive back from Dallas. Mom spent the night in the hospital with me. I began preparing myself for having a preemie. If she'd been born that weekend, she'd probably have to spend some time in the NICU to get help breathing.

By the time Ryan got there in the morning, the contractions weren't getting harder, and I had not dilated any more than five centimeters. We went home. The nurses and midwife thought we'd be back in a few days--possibly even in a few hours. Mom and Dad went on to a family Christmas. My cousin, who drove two hours to be my doula, went shopping and back home. Ryan's mom, who had joined Ryan on his trip, came to our house to wait and help us prepare. After five or six days, she went home, and we continued to wait.

The Middle

Every week when I walked into the midwives' office, they were surprised to see me. "You're the girl who's dilated to 5--well, any day now!" "I can't make predictions anymore." "You might have made some progress." "You cervix is just so stretchy, and her head's right there."

On Christmas Eve, the contractions that I'd been having for a few hours almost everyday were much stronger. To the hospital we went. By four Christmas morning, I fell asleep. The contractions had all but stopped. The midwife on duty tried her best to convince the doctor on duty to let her break my water, but I was only 37 weeks, and the hospital has a 39 week policy. I was slightly relieved because I wasn't ready to start any interventions yet. So, we came home...on Christmas day...without our Christmas baby. I cried.

I was doing exercises to get Adlee to continue to move down hoping she'd break my water or push down far enough to really get contractions going and keep them going. Ryan and I had gone through a Bradley Method class taught by a local chiropractor, and I began seeing her to let her do what she could to help get things ready and moving.

We waited weeks more. I was getting those strong contractions at least once a week and having some contractions everyday. I was up to 6 cm, and Adlee continued to move down. At my first appointment in January, the midwife thought things felt different and that I'd have a baby in a few days--nope. 

The Grand Finale

At my second appointment in January (on the 9th), she asked if I wanted her to strip my membranes. I was hesitant because I wanted an all natural childbirth and didn't want to start down a road of interventions. She promised that it wouldn't do anything unless my body was ready. I said okay. I saw my instructor/chiropractor after the midwife, and by the time I was driving home, contractions had started. We went to the hospital, and the contractions got harder than they'd been before, but they started slowing again. At this point, I was 6-7 centimeters, and the midwife didn't really want to send me home. So, Ryan and I decided that she could and should break my water.

Around 7 p.m., she broke my water. It wasn't long before I was in hard, hard labor and then, transition, and then, pushing. Adlee was born at 9:33 p.m.

I spend hard labor and most of transition in the tub. I'd sit back and try to relax between contractions. When a contraction started, I expressed my frustration that they just kept coming by saying, "Oh, shoot!" I'm really proud of myself for not cussing at all! During the contractions, I tried to breath or hum in a low voice, but more often than not, I started to whine and panic. The midwife and nurse reminded me not to, so I got mad at myself and growled in a low voice. My voice was hoarse the next day. There was a student nurse there who'd never seen a vaginal birth let alone one without drugs. I'm pretty sure I freaked her out! I moved to my hands and knees in the tub and rocked back and forth during the contractions. At this point, all modesty was gone. Absolutely gone. I was naked and totally unaware of where I was pointing my behind or if my legs were spread.

The urge to push hit me swift and strong! I was expecting the pain of the contractions to lessen, but it didn't. So, for a while, I was in the most pain I'd ever felt, and I wanted to push. The midwife checked me, and I was only at nine centimeters. I didn't let her check during a contraction to see if I was getting to ten. I stayed in the tub semi-pushing and continuing to growl and rock during contractions for a bit longer.

When I got out, I squatted on the floor for a couple of contractions, hung on to Ryan for a couple contractions, was on my hands and knees on the bed for a couple of contractions. When the pushing contractions finally came and I wasn't feeling so much pain, I sat/squatted on the bed. I alternated between squatting and the classic pushing position where the nurses held my legs. Ryan says I only pushed for 45 minutes, but I was feeling so tired and kept saying I didn't think I could do it any more. Well, no choice. No stopping. I probably didn't use the contractions as well as I could have if I hadn't been so tired. I did use the mirror which helped me stay motivated to push especially when we started to glimpse a head. It was frustrating--even though I knew it was normal--to see the head go back when I stopped pushing. Once I knew that my baby's head was more than half out, I didn't stop pushing until she was on my chest. That might have been a mistake. The crowning really didn't hurt at the time, but it did some damage.

My baby girl was beautiful and chubby. All of the sudden, I was aware of what was going on around me. Ryan cut the cord--which was super short and thick. I remembered, after a few moments, to tell Adlee all of the things I wanted to say to her. We just cuddled and looked at each other and attempted to nurse a bit. Time flew! She scored two nines for her Apgar scores. After about an hour, they checked her out and weighed her. She recognized and was comforted by Ryan's voice as he talked her through it. We found out she weighed 8 lbs. 6 oz. and was 20 inches long. She weighed less than either Ryan or I had when were were born.

I made it through Adlee's birth without medication. It wasn't as relaxed as I'd hoped, but oh well. I told myself that I didn't have to do it perfectly or even well, I just had to do it. I did it. I will do it again someday. The hard labor is only hours long. I can endure anything for a few hours. The pain afterwards has me considering a C-section, but that'd leave me with just a different kind of pain.

The terrible truth that not many people talk about is the pain after childbirth. I got up to shower and was shocked to see and feel how swollen I was (I'll leave out horrific details here). I knew I got some stitches, but I wasn't prepared for the swelling and pain. I couldn't get out of bed by myself for the first 24 hours. Today, thirteen days later, I'm still feeling some pain where I tore. I am hoping next time this pain is less and shorter.

In the end, as any mom will tell you, it was all worth it! It was the hardest thing I've done, and it had the BEST result. I am glad my Adlee is here and healthy, and that's all that matters.

From the Happy Mama,

Jordon

Adlee's Name

As soon as we knew we were having a girl--no long before that--
As soon as we knew I was pregnant--no before that--
As soon as we started "trying"--honestly, before that--
As soon as I wanted a baby--which was my whole life--I was picking out baby names. Ryan started to participate when we knew I was pregnant. Our system was this: I would suggest names, and Ryan would shoot them down.

From the time I was in high school, I wanted to name my baby Addison, but it started to become very popular. I didn't want my baby to have a difficult name, but I didn't want a popular name either. Then, my cousin named her baby Addison (and I called my mother bawling because she stole my name), and it became--not off limits--less desirable.

I had suggested other names to Ryan, but he still liked Addison better than my other suggestions. Then, one day, we were watching "The Voice" and a beautiful blonde named, Adley auditioned. I can't even remember if she made it through or not, and without looking it up, I couldn't remember how she spelled it. I didn't pick the name because I want my little girl to be a singer or be anything like this girl; I just liked her name. I asked Ryan if he liked the name Adley, and he did like it very much. In fact, he stopped taking suggestions, so I stopped suggesting anything different.

We played with all the different spellings...Adly, Adleigh, Adley, Adli (looks too much like Aldi), and Adlee. Obviously, we liked Adlee best.

Adlee is a variation of the name Adlai from the Bible. It was the name of the father of king David's shepherd--no big significance for us there. In Hebrew (according to the internet), it means "God has judged." I don't know exactly what kind of "judged" it really means, but to me, the name means God has found me worthy of being a mommy.

Adlee's middle name, Mae, is very special. It is my middle name (Jordon Mae), my mom's middle name (Joni Mae), and my great-great-grandma's middle name (Luella Mae). Having a family name has always meant a lot to me, and there was never a question that my first daughter's middle name would be Mae. I hope Adlee finds this honor as special as I found it. I have a card that Luella Mae wrote to my grandma when my mom was named after her expressing how special that was to her. I think she would be thrilled to know her name has been passed on to me and my girl.

Here's the link to the Voice audition...

Love,
Jordon Mae and Adlee Mae

Adlee's Hope

So, I think you all know by now that I've had my baby girl. Her name is Adlee, and she is PERFECT! I plan on telling the "birth story" and the "name story" soon, but I feel it is more important to share that today God has blessed my heart once again with hope.

It's hard to imagine as I look at the little, little girl in her purple sleeper curled up on her pink bunny quilt on the floor that someday she is going to mess up big time. She's going to sin. She's going to break my heart. She's going to break God's heart. It's hard to think that she could make some of the mistakes I've made. Truth is, she probably will repeat some of my mistakes, she'll definitely make some of her own. The Bible says all have sinned...or in this case...all will sin. Sigh. Terrible thought.

It would steal some of my joy over her innocence if I didn't know that she has hope. She has the one and only true Hope. Jesus died to pay for every sin she will commit. Jesus loves her. She doesn't need to be weighed down by her mistakes. She doesn't have to live with shame.

Its a wonderful truth when applied to my life...It is infinitely more wonderful when applied to my daughter.

Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for coming to Earth to live here. Thank you for taking on our sin and  shame. Thank you for freeing me from sin. Most of all, THANK YOU for being my hope for my child.

Hoping you have the same hopes for your children,

Jordon