The Whole House or Just the Mess?

Last weekend, I went camping with the youth group. We stayed up until 2 a.m. on Friday night/ Saturday morning. Then, slept or tried to sleep in 42 degree weather. Then, we played dodge-ball on Saturday after breakfast. I came home exhausted! Since I was so tired, I didn't clean the house.

This weekend, I had yesterday (Friday) off. I had planned on cleaning the house. I started cleaning the house, but the cold I started to get on Tuesday night tired me out. I spent most of yesterday, and all of today, on the recliner watching movies and reading.

All of this to say, my house has been cleaner. Often, I look around at my house and see only the messes, and I make mental to-do lists. I should wash white clothes and my sheets. The whole house needs vacuumed. I should really finish that quilt I started. I have dirty dishes and dirty tissues piled on the floor beside me that I should pick up. How long has it been since I've washed the windows in the bathroom? Forget the windows! Mold is growing in the crack above the tub again....

Just a little bit ago I looked up (from the recliner) at the sun coming in the kitchen window shining on the table Ryan and I bought shortly after we moved here. I see colors I like, good memories, and comfort. There are messes, but they aren't the big picture. Overall, I really like my house.

My life is the same. There are messes, but they aren't the big picture. I get so focused on Ryan being gone or my longing for a baby that I can convince myself that my life is awful. I forget to step back and look at the whole picture. I have a husband whom I love and who loves me. I have a job which I believe is important, fun, and fulfilling. I am an important part in the lives of many teens as their teacher, youth leader, or friend. I have family whom I love and who loves me. I have a house in which I enjoy living. I have dear friends who God put in my life for just this time in my life. All these blessings, I have and more!

Perspective is huge isn't it?

I love you all and thank you for being a part of my good big picture!

Jordon

Good Things about Living Alone

Of course I'd rather have Ryan here with me, but since I still have two more months to wait, I might as well look on the bright side. Truth be told, as the time for Ryan be home nears, there are a few things I'll miss.

Number one on the list is I have control of the remote. I watch Hallmark movies, not football games. I watch more Lifetime, less Comedy Central.

Cooking and cleaning the kitchen is easier. I only cook once a week. I can make the food the way I want it. It saves me time, and I have fewer dishes to do! I only have one lunch to pack in the morning.

My kitchen table can be a sewing table, not a gunsmith's shop.

Cleaning the bathroom is easier...I won't go into details.

I have less laundry to do.

I can use the un-slept-in side of the bed for all kinds of things! It is a place to put outfits that I decided not to wear. A place to store extra blankets. A place to put my book I read at night.

I hope you enjoy this fun post and the new fall themed background.

Jordon

Eat the Frog!

"Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."--Mark Twain

I heard this quote in a sermon when I was young. I don't know if it was the pastor or my imagination that created a young boy living on a tropical island, but a boy and a paradise island sticks in my memory. Here's how I see it.

A young boy is offered a chance on a perfect island. He gets to spend his days swimming in clear pools of cool water, running through green vegetation, playing with lizards and parrots, and eating fresh fruit. The catch is in order to stay on this island, he has to eat one frog per day.

He starts off waiting until sunset to eat the frog. He spends the morning swimming. He eats some bananas and kiwi for lunch. He finds the coolest lizard he's seen! All the while, in the back of his mind, he is dreading having to eat the frog. How will it taste? Will he be able to find a small one? He waits to the last minute while climbing trees. But then, the time is upon him. Sunset. If he doesn't eat a frog now, he will no longer live in the paradise. He finds a frog and eats it. The whole thing really didn't last long, and wasn't that bad.

After a few days like this, he gets wise. The first thing he did on the fourth day was find a frog and eat it. The weight was off his shoulders. That day was the most enjoyable of the days he's spent paradise!

Silly? Yes, I know. My imagination was a little silly, but I grew out of it. :) Actually, that makes me kind of sad that I don't imagine things as often anymore....but back to the subject!

I had to eat a frog today. As you may know, I HATE mowing the lawn. In fact, I don't remember hating anything so much! To make matters worse, my helpful neighbor is always next door watching and listening to how my mower is running, and if it is not running well or if I am not running it well, he comes over. Even worse than that, my mower is broken, and I have to borrow his.

Obviously, I had to go to church this morning, so I couldn't mow first thing. But, I did not procrastinate mowing too long, I began around 2:30. My neighbor stopped me to look at the mower because it was making a funny noise, but I got finished. Sadly, it wasn't my only frog. His mower is a rider, but I trim with a push mower. I came inside, --dreading having to finish the mowing-- chatted with Ryan, and ate a piece and a half of cherry cheesecake, and went back out to finish. I actually enjoyed the push mowing. It went more quickly than I thought it would. Whew!

Now, as I look out over the lawn, I realize that the dread of mowing had ruined my whole weekend and possibly my whole week. I knew last week that I should mow and tried to ignore the problem...until my helpful neighbor offered me the mower.

I do this in my emotional and spiritual life and my relationships, too. I might know I have a problem to work on, but ignore it...until God offers me a "mower" or the "grass grows too high." Then, God and I still have to go through the work of "mowing"--ick! There are so many times I ask God why I have to deal with it. Why can't I just go on ignoring it like So-and-So. He (or she) looks so much more comfortable than me. The truth is, God wants me to be free from those frogs I have to eat or lawns I have to mow. He urges me (sometimes has to force me) to deal with problems, so I might really enjoy my life!

Eat the frog!

Jordon :)

Empty

I am sure a feeling of emptiness is one with which many people are familiar. I know without doubt that deployment is not the only cause. I am sure that the causes range from children going to school for the first time to infertility to death and many other cases in between.

For me, emptiness is when I wake up in the morning, and Ryan's half of the bed is still made. It's on Sunday mornings when I put my make-up on, and Ryan's not in the shower. It's evenings when I am sitting on the couch looking at an empty chair or sitting on the chair looking at an empty couch. It's sitting down at the table (which I rarely do anymore for this reason) and his chair at the head of the table sitting empty. It's taking a walk and holding both leashes.

It's not just Ryan's absence that leaves my house and heart empty; it's the absence of a child Ryan and I would have had if he hadn't deployed. Emptiness is looking at the living floor and imagining a baby laying on a blanket. It's looking at the kitchen and imagining a baby sitting in a high chair. It's being upstairs and imagining a baby sleeping in a crib. It's putting my stuff in the back seat of the car and imagining putting a baby in a car-seat.

Although I won't be angry with myself for feeling empty, I don't think it is a feeling Christians ever need to feel. One of the things God has whispered in my ear often in the past year is, "You are whole and complete because of Me." Neither Ryan nor a baby can ever make me whole or complete. God called us to have no other gods before him, but so often, we have a tendency in our relationships to expect too much of the other person. We expect the other person to fill us and complete us. The fact is ONLY Jesus can do that. It will ruin a relationship when we put too much pressure on another person--in most cases our spouse--to be our god. Jesus wants us to desire Him first and he can fill all our needs.

2 Peter 1:3 says By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

Whole and Complete In Him,

Jordon