Desperate for Hope

After dreading it all morning and snapping at Ryan for coming into the bathroom as I touched my face to put make-up on, I went to church.

The first person Ryan and I stop to talk to asks me, "What happened?" My heart stopped. He couldn't possibly be pointing out how terrible I look. I don't remember if I got out any words or not, but he gestured to the side of his face. Ouch!

I found some courage and humility. "I've always had a little acne. I went on a special diet to kill what I think is causing it, but killing it is releasing toxins. Basically, it's just a classic 'it'll get worse before it'll get better."

I saw it register, and he was sorry he asked. He made up for it by giving me the name of a naturopath in the area. I am so glad! I have been in way over my head for weeks now, but I couldn't find the name of anyone in the area. I am so hopeful that tomorrow when she gets to the office she will call, I will get an appointment right away, and I can have answers.

I was near tears during the entire worship service feeling like there was a spotlight on me and my dried out, blotchy, bumpy cheeks, but I found the courage to talk to people after the service.

I am still improving, but it is so slow and such a struggle everyday to continue to eat right. I lost another two pounds partly because I'd rather not eat than eat more fresh green vegetables. Today, I splurged just a bit. I didn't eat anything way off the diet, but I did enjoy a rice spaghetti with a sugar-free tomato sauce. So good!

Today, Ryan was talking with his mom, and I could tell she invited him to do something. I was so afraid that she might be driving by in the next few days and was wanting to take us out to eat that I whimpered and whined, "I hope not any time soon." That particular event is not until the end of July, but we are hoping to see Ryan's parents for Father's Day. That date scares me. Time can slow down, so my face has time to heal.

Worse, I was reading online that there is no guarantee or even probability that getting rid of a candida overgrowth will completely cure acne problems. I am going to deal with the scars from this breakout for at least six months if not for the rest of my life, and these are not even the last pimples I will have. It's not worth it! This whole stupid difficult diet is not worth it! I really didn't have other symptoms of candida, and I was doing it just for my acne. I regret starting this!

I can't live like this any more. I can't live with having anxiety about seeing people I know and love. I am desperate for to talk to the naturopath tomorrow. I am desperate for her to have answers for me.

Please pray and hope with me for answers soon.

Jordon

P.S. Ryan is really being wonderful with this.