Control

I've been thinking a lot about how much or how little control we have over our lives, how we like to have control, and the freedom that comes from not having control.

When Ryan was in danger in Iraq, I know he felt much better when he could move away or shoot back. When he had some control over the danger, by the way he told the stories to me, he seemed to have little fear at all. He really is a brave, brave man! However, when he told the stories of times when he didn't have control, he seemed to be much more stressed. (Don't go imagining any specifics. These are really general statements. I don't think Ryan wants me to share much of what he experienced.)

My grandpa has been diagnosed with ALS. He is very interested in all sorts of different treatments to gain some control over this disease that has taken control from him. It is so heartbreaking, but understandable.

When I was trying to get pregnant, I wanted to do anything I could to be in control of getting pregnant as soon as possible. But, I wasn't in control, and I'm glad it happened in God's timing.

My point is that many of us humans long for control over our own lives, but I've come to see we miss out hugely with that attitude. Trusting God's control gives freedom and peace in every situation.

When I started these different diets, I wanted control of my acne. There have been plenty of people in my life from strangers to family members who wanted to help me control my acne, too. But, I broke out trying to get control. Now that I'm on a more relaxed diet (and I cheat often), I am clearing up.

Obviously, we are somewhat in control of our health. We can make good choices in our diet, exercise habits, and choice of doctors and treatments, but ultimately, it won't save us from anything from a fatal disease to an embarrassing skin condition or anything in between.


I've started praying nightly for God to be in control of all parts of my life, but especially in the clearing up of my face since it is bothering me so much. I confess to Him that I vainly want to look better. I tell Him I know He could clear up my face with the smallest amount of effort possible. I tell Him I trust Him to clear my skin in His time and teach me along the way. Often when I ask for a particular area of my face to improve, He answers me! It has been trust-building, relationship-building practice, and it has been a wonderful thing for my attitude about the way I look.


I could stress out about eating right, and I may or may not see more progress, but I would be taking on all that responsibility. If the right foods are healing me, it is only because God created me that way and wills it so. The reality is that many pregnant women struggle with acne throughout pregnancy. I really have no control over my hormones or God's healing. I have no reason to feel guilty, responsible, or stressed. There is GREAT FREEDOM in releasing the responsibility to Him!


God is in control. We are not. There is great freedom in trusting Him. Human nature helped along by Satan's lies in our ears pushes us towards wanting control, but that feeling steals away the freedom of trusting God!


Please pray for me as I am going to be spending time with family in the coming weeks and will probably explain what "I'm" doing to "fix" my problem over and over again. Pray that I will be able to keep this freedom in trusting God and minister to others through my trust in God's timing and healing. On a different note, pray that I will be able to remember that I am still my valuable and loved self no matter my skin condition.


Thanks for the love, support, and prayers!


Jordon


P.S. I feel somewhat guilty that this isn't specifically about the baby or pregnancy. I'll just remind you: I'm thrilled about my new little baby! Morning sickness and exhaustion are lessening. Shortness of breath and dizziness are increasing. My tummy has slowed down in growing, but I'm ready for it to start growing again. I have a box of borrowed maternity clothes from my sister :) Yesterday, I reached 11 weeks. I'm almost done with my first trimester!