Okay, so (those two words always mean there is a vent coming!) tonight there is a picture of a newspaper article all over my Facebook news feed. I've read it two or three times, and I agree with it. Basically, it says that stay at home moms have no time because they are responsible for the constant care of the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social needs of kids. True. They are! The article was in response to a reader's question about why moms never have time. The responder makes the point that the reader must have never been in the same room with her friends and their kids. True.
The article brought up all my feelings about the subject, and I am going to vent. I am a sister, friend, and cousin of moms and stay at home moms. I have been in the same room with them and their kids. I have spent days and nights with them and their kids and sometimes with just their kids. I know, understand, and respect what stay at home moms do. I can't wait to be one!
Here's the thing. I feel like I've been thoroughly kicked out of the Mom Club. I am unworthy to say anything about kids in front of moms. I get this blank look when I say anything. Shut down. Shut out.
Or, there are times when I share my own stories and struggles. I see the same fifteen kids multiple times a day. Their lockers are in my room. I've gotten waste baskets for them to throw up. I've had kids come to me with pale faces and blood pouring out of their hand. I've cooked for them. I've cleaned up after them. Of course, I have taught them, but not just English and History. We talk about manners, social skills, life, and God. The students evidently think of me as a mother figure because they accidentally call me mom all the time! One sweet trouble-maker still calls me mom on purpose. I think their parents respect the work I do with them, but there are times when I don't think other people get it. There are times when I talk about my students that I hear, "Wait until you are a mom." I want to smirk and say back, "Wait until you are a teacher at a small Christian school!"
And love! I am told I just can't understand how much I will love my own child. Although I haven't had the privilege of experiencing it, I can understand. I understand how much I love my students when I take care of them for only hours a day five days a week. I can imagine how much more love I will have for my own baby. I have already made wise decisions and difficult sacrifices for my future children. I have already loved them. I look forward to them so much that I am sure I can understand.
So, how am I supposed to respond to this article? I want to share it, but do I have the right? Or will some mom look at and think..."She's not even a mom. She doesn't even know." (I am sure I am imagining people as worse than they really are. I have a fear of people thinking bad about me. It's on my list of issues on which God is working.) I know I should humbly share it and say that I respect stay at home moms and look forward to being one.
I want to say this to end my rant...that I have the right to talk about kids. That I don't deserve to be told I don't understand or to "wait until I'm a mom". That what I say is not so stupid it doesn't deserve a response. I haven't lived with a baby for 24 hours a day for years. But, if moms don't shut me out of the Mom Club, I do like to talk with them and learn from them.
Jordon
P.S. Thanks to my friend Kelly who has included me in the Mom Club more than anyone else. It is a huge blessing to me!
I can tell you that I've felt the exact same way. Before Nathan was born, I would get 'that look' from other moms when I would comment on raising children. I even get that look now and I have a child. I think that you know how much you'll love and treasure a child before you have one. Do you know how hard it's going to be to put your own needs underneath that of your child's needs (i.e., sleep)? I didn't know how hard that was really going to be, but I had an idea. You have an idea.
ReplyDeleteYou'll be a wonderful mother! You're already a wonderful Godmother to Nathan and a blessing to his father and to me. :)
Oh Jordon I completely understand! I am surrounded by moms and babies here at work and sometimes it is so hard to feel involved in their conversations, regardless of the fact that I lived with Amanda when she had Brayden when Tyson was deployed and DID live and provide care to a newborn baby! BUT I also have to say that you probably have better maternal insticts right now without being a "mom" than some moms out there! And you have to provide and care for 15 kids at a time! I know you will be a wonderful mother one day and I am so excited for you to be!
ReplyDeleteNo, I am sure I don't understand that totally. I know this sounds ridiculous, but Shelby was a terrible and spoiled puppy, and Ryan wanted her be free after I finally got her crate trained. So, I've gotten up early (4 am) to take care of her, and I've gotten up multiple times a night for almost two years straight to let her in and out (over that phase mostly...yay...ashamed to admit how much I spoiled her), but I am sure caring for a baby is much more demanding than opening a door for a dog. And this year I am learning about sleep deprivation again, as last night I was up until 1 trying to talk to Ryan around his work schedule and the blinking internet service, and had to get up at 7 to get ready to tutor (speaking of which I'm going to be late), but I don't have to take care of a baby while I'm up. Okay should be leaving soon and not ready....Love you!
ReplyDeleteDon't take this the wrong way, but it's good that other people understand! Thank you for your comments Kelly and Shannon. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a touchy subject, Jordon, and you addressed it beautifully! Being a mom is different for everybody, and everyone has an opinion about how it should be done. What matters is how you approach it. I DON'T like being told how to parent my own children, or feeling like I'm less of a mom because my house isn't always clean and my children don't always behave. But if someone would come to me and lovingly suggest something that might help my house run more smoothly, I might listen and learn from them. It's the moms who have a solution for everything and like to boldly share their opinions (and yet their own households are in total disarray) that make everybody upset, moms and non-moms both.
ReplyDeleteI've never been a teacher, but sometimes I wonder if being a teacher would be harder than being a mom! You have to love and nurture kids that aren't your own. I know I can unconditionally love and care for my own kids, but could I do that for even the most unloveable and naughty kid in the classroom... I'm not sure. So you have a special calling and a special tenderness that a good deal of people don't have. That alone gives you the right to join in on any "Mom conversation" you come along! That's what I think! You are an incredibly sweet person, Jordon, and your future children are already blessed!
Jordan I still get kicked out of the mom club on a regular basis. Which is silly to me I have more experience than most moms ever will. Since I do have 6 of my own kids and have fostered many others. I grew up in a family of 11 kids and my parents have taken in 80+ foster kids in my life. Also my mom does runs a daycare that I help out at and I have been babysitting/ working with kids for the past 15 years. Not to mention all the classes I have taken on the subject. I feel that I should be able to claim the title of MOM but no there are still the snobbish moms who stick up there nose and tell my I could never understand because I have to many kids or mine are to young to old to close together in age etc. Dont feel bad :) There are some things you will never understand because mommies dont all get the same kids (that's not the way things work) I know there are tons I wont have and there are tons I hope to NEVER experience! But I still am a mom... maybe we should just start our own mommy club for the non conventional mommy's!!! Melissa S.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Erica and Melissa! Your comments are a blessing!
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