I think this will be a short post.
I have gone through many different phases during Ryan's deployment. Phases during which I felt like I just wanted to sleep through life until he gets home. Phases of being short tempered. Phases of being at peace. Phases of crying every night. Phases of not feeling much of anything. Phases of motivation and energy.
Recently, I have entered a new phase. It is a phase of appreciation. Not that I am appreciating the deployment itself, but I am appreciating what it has given Ryan and I.
I have had time to spend with family and friends without feeling bad for leaving a husband at home or (sometimes worse) dragging him along with me.
I have a new strength because I have learned to rely on God more. I have a confidence in God and in myself that I didn't have before.
I have been somewhat forced to make new friends and be more outgoing because I don't have Ryan as my companion in social situations.
I have a deeper love for Ryan which has grown in ways it couldn't have grown without going through this hardship together, and I think Ryan has a deeper love for me, too.
I know we both have an increased appreciation for the time we get to spend together. I know we both have an increased appreciation and excitement for our future because we have had to wait for it.
(Okay, one of my weaknesses is making too many comparisons, but I am going to do it anyway.) Sure, other couples have had the year together, and if we had our choice, we would pick having the year together, but because of the year apart we are gaining a maturity that other couples might not have had the chance to gain.
I know all along I was supposed to "consider it pure joy" (James 1:2). That seemed flat out impossible! In fact, pure joy (which I realize is different than happiness) still seems a little beyond what I am feeling or can make myself feel, but I am feeling an appreciation. It is an appreciation which I know will grow in the future.
Love you all,
Jordon
I think these are all absolutely normal feelings and phases girl! It is definitely not an easy thing to do, but when you spend the time dreading and hating it, it really doesn't help time go faster, and although there are days your can't help feeling that way (and you shouldn't) I know you already have discovered that. If the situation is inevitable, you may as well look at the positive.
ReplyDeleteSomething that really helped me go through deployments was getting involved in military wife support groups. Not only for conversation with people who knew what I was going through, but also because it was a new group of friends I got to meet and learn new things from. It takes a strong woman to be a military wife, and you are just that! I am proud of you!
Loved this post Jordan. It makes me think of when Beau was living in Dominica for school and I only got to see him every 4 months for over a year. Granted he was not in a combat zone but I know how hard it is to be so far away from your soul mate, but also how it can build your relationship (and other relationships) in such unbelievable ways. My heart is with you hun!
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