On Sunday, I woke up missing Ryan. I exercised. I showered. I did my hair. I struggled to get dressed. Most of my summer shirts are bright, and I felt...well, not bright. I did get dressed (in a brown shirt) and put make-up on. When it was time to leave for church, I put on sweat pants, a t-shirt, and a movie.
People keep telling me that I am being strong. It's not true, and it's okay that it's not true. I feel like I can't talk about my bad days without causing someone to worry about me. The truth is, I have weak days, weak hours, and weak moments. I think it's okay!
I think it's okay to spend some time crying on the couch. (I am not so sure it's okay to watch movies to block out the pain.) I think it's okay to talk about having a bad day.
In a my weakness, I find strength in God's promises. Memorized verses help. I also find that if I get up and make an effort to be with people, I snap out of it.
BUT.....It's okay if I (chose to) stay upset for a little while!
Here's why I say it's okay. If I am always pretending to be strong, I will push God away. Real strength comes from Him. He is my strength. He is near to the brokenhearted.
So, don't worry about me or try to cheer me up. It's okay if I have a bad day.
(I give you permission to worry if it drags on longer than a few days.)
Love you all!
Jordon
grab some cookie dough too, and cuddle up with the puppies, and watch a good musical (remember that?!)
ReplyDeleteI sure do remember that! :) Musicals do have a way of making me feel better!
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