Who am I?

Who am I? I am a teacher (both my job and a part of my personality). I am a wife. I am a daughter and sister. I am a perfectionist...

I don't really need to go on. It occurred to me that having a sense of who I am often provides a sense of security, but there is a big problem with that!

I got home last night from babysitting my cousin's six kids. She has them so well trained and they are so obedient that it was really pretty easy, except for Thursday night. Two hours past their bedtime, the two-year-old was crying, "MOMMY!" The four-year-old was crying, "I miss Mommy and Daddy." The almost seven-year-old and eight-year-old kept getting about of bed because the thunder woke them up, the lightening woke them up, they were worried about their sisters, and they missed their mommy and daddy, too.

Finally, I said, if it would help, the eight-year-old could call her mom and dad. My cousin comforted her kids over the phone, then asked me, "How are you doing?" Ten years ago, maybe even five years ago, as a babysitter, this would have stressed me out! I would have been worried about losing my identity as a good babysitter and a future mom. This time, I was secure. I knew that their crying didn't change who I am. They just missed their mom. Because I wasn't worried about keeping my own identity secure, I had more compassion for those poor little girls. Make sense?

My grandma was a great mother. It was what she wanted to be when she was a little girl. She had five kids whom she continues to mother plus grandkids and great-grandkids she also mothers. Here's the problem with her finding her identity in motherhood: when her youngest moved out she had a very, very hard time. Her grown kids don't care to be mothered anymore. Her grandkids have mothers already. (Don't get the wrong impression of Grandma. She's awesome. She's done many cool things that don't have to do with being a mother. Most importantly to me, she is a wonderful grandmother.)


My friend was telling me about a fight she had with her husband. They made up, but the fight was bad enough that she thought about what life would be like if she wasn't a wife anymore. She wasn't sure who she is without her husband.

I could be fired from teaching (or just stop being a teacher). My husband could divorce me or be gone for a year. My family could disown me. I don't think some of these things will happen, but you can see how dangerous it would be to find my identity and security being a teacher, wife, daughter, or sister. I could totally lose who I am.

What about my personality? That won't change, right? I hope it does! There are many character traits (like perfectionism) I hope go away, and many I hope to gain. I shouldn't find my identity in my personality rather in the One who designed me.

I should find my identity in God, but I don't always. That is why I still struggle with pride. But what I should keep at the center of my identity is that I am His Daughter. I am so loved by Him that He sent His Son to die for me. I am redeemed and holy because of His sacrifice. That is who I am. He made me a teacher, wife, daughter, and sister to honor Him. Much of my personality is meant to be used by Him, and He is developing my personality.

The better I get at fully accepting and understanding these truths, the less pride I have. The less I have to try to prove I am who I want to be (a good babysitter, a good teacher, etc.). The less I get that anxious, upset feeling when I am not who I want to be. The less pride I have, the more chance I have see other people instead of worrying how other people see me. This improves my relationships and the work I do. The less pride I have, the more I am willing to do whatever God calls me to do instead of what makes me look good to other people.

In Christ,
Jordon