Weep With Those Who Weep

One of the first, if not the first, Bible verses I memorized (out of my cute Precious Moments Bible with the obnoxiously pink and lacy cover) was Romans 12:15 which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." It is a very important instruction. Let me tell you, from experience now, people do not like to be told the positives of their negative situation. (I think there is a Proverb that says this, but I don't know where it is.) It is much more comforting if the person trying to comfort feels bad with the person who needs comforting.

Since Ryan has been gone, I have experienced this truth in a different way than I have before. There are a few (meant to be) encouraging phrases I hear which are actually not encouraging. If you have said one of these things to me, I looked at your intent. I appreciated you were trying to be encouraging. I appreciated you care.

1. At least you can talk everyday, people in past wars did not have that chance. True. I appreciate it and exercise the ability I have to talk to my husband. We talk everyday using skype chat (sorry, let me make this very clear, typing instant messages). However, my husband is still not sitting in the same room with me. He's just not. Also, his internet does not work perfectly. There are times I sit for anywhere from a few minutes to an hour waiting for his connection to come back. If I was writing letters, that would not be a problem--just saying. Also, there is no way for him to tell me when he will be online. There are nights he works late, and on those nights I have sat near the computer for as long as 4 hours waiting for him to get online. Oh, and his time schedule is not always convenient. I stay up later than I really care to talking to him which isn't so bad now that I don't have to get up for school. Lastly, it partly feels like people are saying that just to make themselves feel better, so that they can think that military members and spouses don't really have it that bad. (Too harsh? Sorry, being brutally honest.) Last thing, I do skype video chat with Ryan, but generally we go a week or two in between because of the internet connection. I don't know how often other military couples chat, but I think some of you assume Ryan and I see each other face to face and hear each others' voices more often than that.

2. Oh, he gets leave? How great he gets to come home! Yes. It is great he gets to come home, but please don't make a bigger deal about those two weeks than you do about all the other weeks we must be apart. (I haven't seen my husband since the day after Christmas.)

3. He'll be home in August? That's coming up quickly! Okay, considering all the weeks he's been gone, yes, I guess August isn't that far away. But, it is kind of like running a marathon. Sure, a few more miles isn't hard, except if you've ran 20+ miles already, and you're tired. And, how would you be feeling if you weren't going to see your spouse or loved one for 7 weeks? I've heard some of you get upset over 2 weeks.

4. At least he's in Iraq and not Afghanistan. This one might be my fault. I said this to comfort myself before he left. The truth is, there are still plenty of people in Iraq who want to kill him and who have tried.

As many of you know, Ryan being gone is just part of my pain this year. Ryan's deployment caused us to make the decision to wait to have children which has been hard for me, but God is healing that wound. I hear many positive comments about that too which sometimes hurt more than help.

When you know anyone who has something difficult and negative in their lives, God calls us to "weep with those who weep." Not solve their problems. Not point out the positives in their situation.

Lastly, I know that I have been guilty too. Forgive me?

Jordon