Update and Silly Stuff

Ryan and I tell each other daily that we are glad to be together again. I didn't realize what I was missing until he was back. I need to write a country love song about it :) I didn't know I felt in danger until he was home to make me feel safe. I didn't know I felt lonely until he was there to make me feel companionship. I love, LOVE having him here!

We've caught up on the TV shows I DVRed while he was gone. We've talked about our time apart and how we've grown. He's been entertaining himself while I'm at work with new toys (guns and iphone 4). He helps around the house, so I haven't had the huge shock of more cooking or dishes. He's a sweet husband!

So, that's the Ryan stuff....

I thought you might also appreciate knowing a little about my day at school today.

I'm going to start the story by giving more details than you need...I've been giving a girl from the math class I teach rides to her dance class because it is on my way home and it is a help to her dad. Well, her dad brought me "chai" today. It was very sweet! Actually, he went to the gas station and got tea, cream, and sugar for me.

This same dad got our secretary something to drink, but she couldn't tell what. When I took my attendance sheet up to her, she asked me if I could tell. I looked at it and was tempted to take a drink, but I figured I should take the lid off. I am not sure what she thinks about sharing germs....but I quickly decided I didn't want to share germs. So, I popped the lid off! and spilled the mystery drink! on my off-white sweater! yay!

I said, "It's okay! It's okay! It's okay!" to reassure her that I wasn't mad or upset, but it sure was reassuring to me, too!

I went to the bathroom, tried to rinse the stains out, ended up with a wet, stained, off-white sweater. When I came back to the office, I was blessed by a mom who happened to have an extra large T-shirt with her. I came back downstairs to my classroom getting some questioning looks along the way :) Thank goodness I had a senior high class who could handle the brief distraction!

Long story short, it is a good thing my friend, Kim, lives near the school. She brought me a couple options. Whew!

And a bonus...

This is some of what I hear in a day:

"On the way to school and on the way home, I try to whistle to as many trees as I can."

"No one ever cares that I can put my leg behind my head."

"I never talked about shirts so much at school." (I have no idea what inspired that one!)

(singing) "...you will be attacked by a flaming rowboat..."

Talking about Robert Fulton owner of the first commercially successful steamboat: "People just call him Rob."

I hope I made you smile or laugh!

Jordon

The Night before Ryan Comes Home

Sometimes moms know just what to say to make it all better...

I had just about finished a blog post that inadequately described how I am feeling, and Mom called. I burst into tears on the phone with her.

I was feeling guilty because I am not as excited or happy as I think I should be. Everyone else asks me if I'm excited and they seem more excited than I am.

"I just want Ryan home. I'm not excited; I can't feel anything else until Ryan is home." I told her.

She told me that I can feel that. That it is normal and right. Half my heart is gone. It won't be whole until Ryan and I are home together. I've been through a hard year, and I'm feeling so many emotions right now.

Yes, Mom. Exactly.

If I've been calm, it's because the alternative would not be happy excitement it would be anxiousness (probably to the point that I could no longer function).

To reassure you, I understand and understood when you asked or said something, that you are happy for us and that you love us. I appreciate your love. Thank you.

I don't know quite how I feel right now or how I will feel tomorrow, and that is okay. I do love my husband very much. I do want him to be home with me more than I want anything.

Jordon

Scattered Thoughts about Flexibility

The other day I left work and stopped at the gas station. My boss pulled in right behind me. We had a little bit of a weird conversation.

"You know, there are many ways that being a teacher prepares you for being a mom," she said.

I nodded, "What way in particular are you thinking of right now?"

"Lots of ways, but in particular flexibility. If you aren't flexible as a mom, you'll be an unhappy mom."

Again, I nodded and smiled. I like that she knows I want to be a mom and that she loves me enough to share wisdom with me.

I struggled with small changes in plans when I was, I'm guessing, a pre-teen. I remember distinctly my mom saying, "Your life is going be really difficult if you don't learn how to go with the flow."

As I thought about what these two wise women said, the point they made was that plans will change and adaptation will be required of us. It is our attitude which is under our control. We can choose to anticipate a need for flexibility, be happy to make adaptations, and not be upset when we look back at a situation which didn't go our way. Or, we can be rigid, grouchy, and possibly regret that life didn't turn out the way we wanted.

Being a mom and being a teacher may require extra flexibility, and so does being a military wife. I don't deal with needing flexibility as much the spouses of active duty military, but I do deal with it. Right now, I have a huge need for flexibility. I would like to nail down Thanksgiving plans, but I don't know when Ryan will be home. So, I've just set my plans. I'll go with him, without him, or I won't go because I'm picking him up. People are continually asking me when he is coming home. I give as much information as I know, then shrug and say, "I'll take him when he comes!"

I think I do pretty well at being flexible. I will definitely continue to need it!

May life go the way you planned it, and may you go with the flow when it doesn't!

Jordon

Quit Complaining!

There is an awesome Max Lucado story in his book It's Not About Me. He talks about having issues with parents or in-laws, his wife, a camera, and his car. I don't remember it exactly except at the end of the story, he meets a happy boy who has nothing. The point of the story (as I remember it) is that if he didn't have all those blessings he wouldn't have been complaining. How often do I complain about my blessings?

This year I've gotten a new perspective on complaints. Reading Facebook posts has been difficult and downright maddening at times. I've read posts from women complaining about their husband's business trips (which last anywhere from 4 days to 3 weeks) and their children. I often feel like commenting, "I'll trade ya." Give me short business trips and children! Please!

I stop myself because I realize someday I probably will complain or seem to be complaining about my husband or my children. However, I know right in this moment how wonderful a blessing they are. (As for the business trips, I really don't think I'll ever complain about them, but I don't know what it is like with small children.)

The cure is to be constantly thankful. Instead of thinking about how awful it is to have my husband away, I am thankful that I have a wonderful husband. Instead of thinking about how awful it is to wait to have children, I am thankful that God has given me the opportunity to teach. Instead of thinking of the challenges I faced this year on my own (like mowing the lawn), I am thankful for the growth of my character.

Please don't complain or even semi-complain! Please, when your children frustrate you, sit back and be thankful for them before you put anything on Facebook. Please, when your husband goes away, be thankful he has a job.

It will help me not to think about punching you :)

Jordon

Birthday Perspective

When I was twenty-two years old turning twenty-three, life was good! God blessed me with the job of my dreams, the man of my dreams, the first house of my dreams, even the little black lab puppy of my dreams. I found a poster of a school--a Christian School-- I designed in eight grade shortly after I got the job at Heritage. It was so exciting for me to see that the desires God planted in my heart as a eighth grader ten years before had become real in my life.

Since then, I've been in the habit of thinking about teenage Jordon. As I turned twenty-four and twenty-five, I thought about what fourteen year-old and fifteen year-old Jordon would think of my life.

I just celebrated my twenty-sixth birthday, and I am doing my twenty-six/sixteen evaluation.

When I was sixteen I spent most nights, even school nights, with friends. I had a really close group of friends that year. I think at twenty-six I could say the same. I have some wonderful friends whom I appreciate greatly! Kim, Kelly, Steph, Sonia, and all of the ladies with whom I work (and have worked) at Heritage are so special to me. I think sixteen-year-old Jordon would be happy that I am still a person who is surrounded by many dear friends.

Sixteen-year-old me wanted to be in ministry of some sort. I thought missions or that I'd like to be a pastor's wife. Sixteen-year-old me might be surprised that my ministry is with youth, but not disappointed.

Sixteen-year-old Jordon dreamed of a time when I'd have no braces, no zits, and no weight problem. Two outta three ain't bad! :) (Though, the weight problem could come back if I don't reign in my sugar intake quickly! This week has been bad!)

Sixteen-year-old Jordon fought with her mom! Terribly! I got over fighting with her around the time I turned eighteen, and we became good friends. However, just this year, God has opened my eyes to see some of the hurts and wrong thinking I had and I have about my relationship with Mom. Some of the issues I had that caused the arguing at sixteen are finally being healed at twenty-six.

Sixteen-year-old Jordon probably would have seen the romance in being a military wife alone during a deployment waiting to have children. Twenty-six-year-old Jordon would appreciate life being easy more than romantic. In this year, I see that God has used this year to help me to learn to rely on Him and to make me more like Him.

Overall, I have to say, I have done well with Sixteen-year-old Jordon's life. I think she'd be happy (for the most part) with the way I've lived and the choices I've made.

Love to you all!

Twenty-six-year-old Jordon

23rd Mile

We took the kids on a mini-field trip on Friday to serve others which is cool, but not a part of this story.

On the drive, we passed a train. All of us in the car got into a discussion about trains. We were talking about whether we had ridden in one. My co-worker said that he climbed over one or ran through one once. I don't remember his exact words nor can I picture exactly what he was talking about, but here's the story. He is a marathon runner. He said that one time (he knew the date and race, but I don't remember that detail) there was a train stopped on the marathon route, and it was a long train. Since there was no going around it and there is no stopping in a race, he went over. He finished his story by saying, "It was sure hard to jump after running 23 miles."

Out of the 52 weeks that Ryan is supposed to be gone, we have only six or seven weeks left. So, if the deployment was a marathon--which in its own way it is--I guess I am nearing the 23 mile mark. I don't feel like I have enough energy to jump. There are times when I feel so weak, even physically weak, that I don't think I can stand up. But I will finish this race. I will climb and jump if required.

So many people are so excited for Ryan and me that this is almost over, but I just want to point out that at 23 miles the race wasn't over for my friend. He still had to cross that train and run. I still have more of my own race to go, and I am so tired. I am not celebrating at the finish-line yet. I am still striving to "run with perseverance the race that is set before [me]" (Hebrews 12:1).

Thank you for being there to encourage me in this race!

Jordon

The Whole House or Just the Mess?

Last weekend, I went camping with the youth group. We stayed up until 2 a.m. on Friday night/ Saturday morning. Then, slept or tried to sleep in 42 degree weather. Then, we played dodge-ball on Saturday after breakfast. I came home exhausted! Since I was so tired, I didn't clean the house.

This weekend, I had yesterday (Friday) off. I had planned on cleaning the house. I started cleaning the house, but the cold I started to get on Tuesday night tired me out. I spent most of yesterday, and all of today, on the recliner watching movies and reading.

All of this to say, my house has been cleaner. Often, I look around at my house and see only the messes, and I make mental to-do lists. I should wash white clothes and my sheets. The whole house needs vacuumed. I should really finish that quilt I started. I have dirty dishes and dirty tissues piled on the floor beside me that I should pick up. How long has it been since I've washed the windows in the bathroom? Forget the windows! Mold is growing in the crack above the tub again....

Just a little bit ago I looked up (from the recliner) at the sun coming in the kitchen window shining on the table Ryan and I bought shortly after we moved here. I see colors I like, good memories, and comfort. There are messes, but they aren't the big picture. Overall, I really like my house.

My life is the same. There are messes, but they aren't the big picture. I get so focused on Ryan being gone or my longing for a baby that I can convince myself that my life is awful. I forget to step back and look at the whole picture. I have a husband whom I love and who loves me. I have a job which I believe is important, fun, and fulfilling. I am an important part in the lives of many teens as their teacher, youth leader, or friend. I have family whom I love and who loves me. I have a house in which I enjoy living. I have dear friends who God put in my life for just this time in my life. All these blessings, I have and more!

Perspective is huge isn't it?

I love you all and thank you for being a part of my good big picture!

Jordon

Good Things about Living Alone

Of course I'd rather have Ryan here with me, but since I still have two more months to wait, I might as well look on the bright side. Truth be told, as the time for Ryan be home nears, there are a few things I'll miss.

Number one on the list is I have control of the remote. I watch Hallmark movies, not football games. I watch more Lifetime, less Comedy Central.

Cooking and cleaning the kitchen is easier. I only cook once a week. I can make the food the way I want it. It saves me time, and I have fewer dishes to do! I only have one lunch to pack in the morning.

My kitchen table can be a sewing table, not a gunsmith's shop.

Cleaning the bathroom is easier...I won't go into details.

I have less laundry to do.

I can use the un-slept-in side of the bed for all kinds of things! It is a place to put outfits that I decided not to wear. A place to store extra blankets. A place to put my book I read at night.

I hope you enjoy this fun post and the new fall themed background.

Jordon

Eat the Frog!

"Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."--Mark Twain

I heard this quote in a sermon when I was young. I don't know if it was the pastor or my imagination that created a young boy living on a tropical island, but a boy and a paradise island sticks in my memory. Here's how I see it.

A young boy is offered a chance on a perfect island. He gets to spend his days swimming in clear pools of cool water, running through green vegetation, playing with lizards and parrots, and eating fresh fruit. The catch is in order to stay on this island, he has to eat one frog per day.

He starts off waiting until sunset to eat the frog. He spends the morning swimming. He eats some bananas and kiwi for lunch. He finds the coolest lizard he's seen! All the while, in the back of his mind, he is dreading having to eat the frog. How will it taste? Will he be able to find a small one? He waits to the last minute while climbing trees. But then, the time is upon him. Sunset. If he doesn't eat a frog now, he will no longer live in the paradise. He finds a frog and eats it. The whole thing really didn't last long, and wasn't that bad.

After a few days like this, he gets wise. The first thing he did on the fourth day was find a frog and eat it. The weight was off his shoulders. That day was the most enjoyable of the days he's spent paradise!

Silly? Yes, I know. My imagination was a little silly, but I grew out of it. :) Actually, that makes me kind of sad that I don't imagine things as often anymore....but back to the subject!

I had to eat a frog today. As you may know, I HATE mowing the lawn. In fact, I don't remember hating anything so much! To make matters worse, my helpful neighbor is always next door watching and listening to how my mower is running, and if it is not running well or if I am not running it well, he comes over. Even worse than that, my mower is broken, and I have to borrow his.

Obviously, I had to go to church this morning, so I couldn't mow first thing. But, I did not procrastinate mowing too long, I began around 2:30. My neighbor stopped me to look at the mower because it was making a funny noise, but I got finished. Sadly, it wasn't my only frog. His mower is a rider, but I trim with a push mower. I came inside, --dreading having to finish the mowing-- chatted with Ryan, and ate a piece and a half of cherry cheesecake, and went back out to finish. I actually enjoyed the push mowing. It went more quickly than I thought it would. Whew!

Now, as I look out over the lawn, I realize that the dread of mowing had ruined my whole weekend and possibly my whole week. I knew last week that I should mow and tried to ignore the problem...until my helpful neighbor offered me the mower.

I do this in my emotional and spiritual life and my relationships, too. I might know I have a problem to work on, but ignore it...until God offers me a "mower" or the "grass grows too high." Then, God and I still have to go through the work of "mowing"--ick! There are so many times I ask God why I have to deal with it. Why can't I just go on ignoring it like So-and-So. He (or she) looks so much more comfortable than me. The truth is, God wants me to be free from those frogs I have to eat or lawns I have to mow. He urges me (sometimes has to force me) to deal with problems, so I might really enjoy my life!

Eat the frog!

Jordon :)

Empty

I am sure a feeling of emptiness is one with which many people are familiar. I know without doubt that deployment is not the only cause. I am sure that the causes range from children going to school for the first time to infertility to death and many other cases in between.

For me, emptiness is when I wake up in the morning, and Ryan's half of the bed is still made. It's on Sunday mornings when I put my make-up on, and Ryan's not in the shower. It's evenings when I am sitting on the couch looking at an empty chair or sitting on the chair looking at an empty couch. It's sitting down at the table (which I rarely do anymore for this reason) and his chair at the head of the table sitting empty. It's taking a walk and holding both leashes.

It's not just Ryan's absence that leaves my house and heart empty; it's the absence of a child Ryan and I would have had if he hadn't deployed. Emptiness is looking at the living floor and imagining a baby laying on a blanket. It's looking at the kitchen and imagining a baby sitting in a high chair. It's being upstairs and imagining a baby sleeping in a crib. It's putting my stuff in the back seat of the car and imagining putting a baby in a car-seat.

Although I won't be angry with myself for feeling empty, I don't think it is a feeling Christians ever need to feel. One of the things God has whispered in my ear often in the past year is, "You are whole and complete because of Me." Neither Ryan nor a baby can ever make me whole or complete. God called us to have no other gods before him, but so often, we have a tendency in our relationships to expect too much of the other person. We expect the other person to fill us and complete us. The fact is ONLY Jesus can do that. It will ruin a relationship when we put too much pressure on another person--in most cases our spouse--to be our god. Jesus wants us to desire Him first and he can fill all our needs.

2 Peter 1:3 says By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence.

Whole and Complete In Him,

Jordon

He Equips the Called

Do you ever ask God, "Are you sure? Are you sure I can do this? Are you sure you've got the right one?" I am asking God that question right now....

A popular saying is, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." I remember it being a really important idea to me three summers ago when I was looking for my first teaching job and new to our church.

Now, I am amazed when I look back and see how God has used all the little things in my life for service to Him. For example, when I was in community college, one of my friends recommended I take micro-economics which I later regretted because I could have taken another English class and worked toward my major. God didn't regret that I took that class--He used it! I taught economics during my second year of teaching. Another example is cheerleading. I was a cheerleader in high school, and I am very blessed to put on a one day cheer camp and a week of practices each year for the girls at school. I am pretty much a celebrity with some of the little girls for a couple weeks :)

In addition to my ministry at school, I work with the youth at our church. It feels a little like God hit the repeat button on my life's CD player. God keeps giving me groups like this one! When I was in high school our FCA group had all but died because the school took away our right to meet during school hours. One September day during my sophomore or junior year of high school, I asked our Assistant Principal if we were going to do anything for See You At the Pole. Long story short, not only did I organize the See You At the Pole gathering, my mom and I spent hours on the phone with Alliance Defense fund, we were allowed to meet during school hours again, I was president of FCA until I graduated, and we had a good group going that lasted for another few years after I left. (All glory to God! I am just amazed He could use me that way!) Then, at community college, there was no Christian group, but I was involved in starting one, and elected president. Then, at UNI, I went to an established Campus Crusade for Christ group. I was asked by one of the leaders to consider joining the leadership team. Soon, the group shrunk drastically. I didn't realize it then, but it was over a disagreement about another leader. I joined the leadership team, and we began to rebuild. I saw some growth before I left, but I know it did grow even more after I left.

Again, I need to say the glory goes to God for using a broken vessel to do His work. I made some of the biggest mistakes of my life while in those leadership positions.

So, when Ryan and I started attending our church, I don't even remember how, but it was suggested we work with the youth group. I went to youth activities for not even a year before the youth pastor had to move on--not because he did anything wrong, he is awesome--because our church didn't have the money to pay him. A year or so after that, the couple who had been working with the youth for years decided it was time to move on. Ryan was busy with flights, and then he deployed. Now, our youth group has shrunk to just a handful of young men. We have had really great new leaders come in, but guess what? I am the one who has been around the longest...and (I hope it is okay to say this because it's not official) I am sometimes viewed as the one in charge. So, here I am leading a fourth group that needs rebuilt.

I don't really like planning events, but I've spent some time this week scheduling and delegating jobs to prepare for a youth event. I really like being the youth leader who just gets to show up and be there for the kids, but God has other plans it seems. He put me in a place which needs leadership to help it grow (again), and He has equipped me in the past and with the past.

To end, please pray for our youth group and for us leaders as we do our best to help the kids and the group grow.

I would love to hear about how God has called and equipped you!

Jordon

I'm Back!

Hi!

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but I know you all understand. Ryan was home! He came home on August 2. He was going to be on a flight coming in at 5:02, but he called and told me he was able to get on a flight coming in around noon. He was very clear that he wanted me there on time so he didn't have to wait. I got there just before noon with plenty of time. However, that flight was delayed for a couple hours. But, God provided! I met a dear friend who was getting on the plane Ryan was getting off. Since we both had time to kill, we had a lovely conversation. I am sure I would have been running in circles around the airport without her there.

As I waited for Ryan, other people where there waiting for loved ones. I just wanted them to GO AWAY! haha I didn't want anyone intruding on my special moment of seeing Ryan for the first time in over seven months. They did clear out just a little before I saw my dark complected man in his uniform. So handsome!

I drove us home, and it didn't take very long (an hour or two at the most) before I looked and Ryan and said, "It almost feels like you never left." He said he'd just been thinking the same thing.

Ryan was so sweet while he was home. Washing dishes and giving me back-rubs. Being understanding and supportive. I may have been extra sweet, too. We definitely appreciated each other and being together.

We had a lovely time at Ryan's sister's wedding (except that I sliced my finger open when I was already running late in getting ready for pictures--I'm talented that way!).

Even though I had to go back for teacher work week at school, we fit in lots of fun that next week. Taking the dogs swimming, going shooting, going for walks, going on a riverboat ride, going out to eat, etc. We had a small open house for Ryan the next weekend, and after that school started and time flew :(

Ryan left on Thursday. I had a really rough morning remembering all the good times we had when he was home and feeling the house was very empty without him, but I am starting to remember the benefits of living alone. (Control of the remote!!!)

Now we're mostly caught up!

Jordon (Mrs. Hoover to those students who have started reading my blog.)

The Most Important Thing

As I shared before, I've been reading the Anne of Green Gables series, and I am now in the eighth and last book, Rilla of Ingleside. They are talking about WWI and one character suggests that God views us as we view ants. Here is the reply:

"You forget," said Mr. Meredith, with a flash of his dark eyes, "than an infinite Power must be infinitely little as well as infinitely great. We are neither, therefore there are things too little as well as too great for us to apprehend. To the infinitely little the ant is of as much importance as a mastodon..."

It reminded me of Louis Giglio's "How Great is Our God" parts of which can be found on YouTube, but it is really worth finding the DVD to watch the whole thing. God is in the big things like stars and galaxies. He is in the small things like DNA and molecules and atoms and proteins. We don't understand either the big or the small completely, because our power in finite, but His power is infinite!

This is incredibly important to understand! A.W. Tozer said:

What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. The history of mankind will probably show that no people has ever risen above its religion, and man’s spiritual history will positively demonstrate that no religion has ever been greater than its idea of God. Worship is pure or base as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God.

For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself, and the most portentous fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like. We tend by a secret law of the soul to move toward our mental image of God. This is true not only of the individual Christian, but of the company of Christians that composes the Church. Always the most revealing thing about the Church is her idea of God.

That is just my favorite quote! I hope this inspires you to spend some time thinking about what you think of God and how GREAT He is!

Love,
Jordon

War and Society

As you may know, I have been reading the Anne of Green Gables Novels. I am now reading the last one, Rilla of Ingleside (first published in 1921). The novel is set during the time period of World War I. It has struck me how differently society reacted to war and how differently art (novels and movies) depicted war back then.

In the novel (which in this case I pretty sure accurately represents this time in history) as soon as the young men start signing up for war, the women organize red cross groups and the older men organize a patriotism group. The women make an effort not to cry so as not to send the young men off with a sad memory, but instead a happy one. The young men who can't go are upset. The whole of society wants to and does get involved.

Now, some of us wives not only cry, but are needy (some more than others) and we complain to our soldiers who are deployed about our hardships instead of bearing them bravely. Wives today probably try to being uplifting to our soldiers and brave like the women were back then. I am sure there was some complaining and neediness back then, just like there is bearing hardships bravely now. But, I would still argue that the overall attitude has changed. I am so guilty of complaining to Ryan sometimes, but I know that there are other wives who are consistently complaining to their husbands who are deployed.

We don't worry about doing anything to help our country in the war like make bandages or ration our food...it's the government's job to provide services.

The big change is that war for the most part is now government's problem, the soldiers' problem, and not our problem. Most of our society does not get involved in a war. Most of our society ignores the war. I know...before I married a solider I ignored it too.

But maybe the change isn't as drastic as it seems at first. There are still groups which support soldiers and their families. They send packages to soldiers. The Red Cross is involved in helping families get their soldiers home in an emergency. There are still young men who feel upset when they can't go to help their country (they are just very rare and brave).

I don't know...I don't have this all thought out. I am sure people have written books about the subject, these are only my few thoughts.

One thing that I see that maybe people don't always think of is the way books and movies depict war now vs. then. I already talked about some of how Rilla of Ingleside shows what war is like for those left at home. Its a realistic not over dramatized depiction. Another example of a depiction of war made in a different time is a movie made in 1946 called The Best Years of Our Lives, which is about three men coming home from war and the challenges they face including, not knowing their families well, having to deal with a family's reaction to disability, going back to work, a wife disillusioned about the glamor of being a soldiers wife (we don't need disillusioned now--another way society has changed), etc.

Think of the movies made recently. The movies made recently have turned war into a soap opera! In Dear John, the main female character marries someone else while her love is deployed. In Brothers (which I WILL NOT see), the wife of a deployed soldier has an affair with his brother. In Pearl Harbor, the main female character thinks her fiance is dead, has a one night stand with his best friend, and gets pregnant. It seems to me that these are examples of disrespect to the families who face the realities and hardships of war and deployments.

I guess I should be clear. I am not talking about books and movies made about the battlefield as much as books and movies made about the relationships of the soldiers with the people at home.

Those are my not as well thought out as I would like thoughts for today :)

Jordon

P.S. Thank you for all the responses on the "Moms" post. I appreciate your contributions to the discussion, and I was very blessed by your encouragement.

Moms

Okay, so (those two words always mean there is a vent coming!) tonight there is a picture of a newspaper article all over my Facebook news feed. I've read it two or three times, and I agree with it. Basically, it says that stay at home moms have no time because they are responsible for the constant care of the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social needs of kids. True. They are! The article was in response to a reader's question about why moms never have time. The responder makes the point that the reader must have never been in the same room with her friends and their kids. True.

The article brought up all my feelings about the subject, and I am going to vent. I am a sister, friend, and cousin of moms and stay at home moms. I have been in the same room with them and their kids. I have spent days and nights with them and their kids and sometimes with just their kids. I know, understand, and respect what stay at home moms do. I can't wait to be one!

Here's the thing. I feel like I've been thoroughly kicked out of the Mom Club. I am unworthy to say anything about kids in front of moms. I get this blank look when I say anything. Shut down. Shut out.

Or, there are times when I share my own stories and struggles. I see the same fifteen kids multiple times a day. Their lockers are in my room. I've gotten waste baskets for them to throw up. I've had kids come to me with pale faces and blood pouring out of their hand. I've cooked for them. I've cleaned up after them. Of course, I have taught them, but not just English and History. We talk about manners, social skills, life, and God. The students evidently think of me as a mother figure because they accidentally call me mom all the time! One sweet trouble-maker still calls me mom on purpose. I think their parents respect the work I do with them, but there are times when I don't think other people get it. There are times when I talk about my students that I hear, "Wait until you are a mom." I want to smirk and say back, "Wait until you are a teacher at a small Christian school!"

And love! I am told I just can't understand how much I will love my own child. Although I haven't had the privilege of experiencing it, I can understand. I understand how much I love my students when I take care of them for only hours a day five days a week. I can imagine how much more love I will have for my own baby. I have already made wise decisions and difficult sacrifices for my future children. I have already loved them. I look forward to them so much that I am sure I can understand.

So, how am I supposed to respond to this article? I want to share it, but do I have the right? Or will some mom look at and think..."She's not even a mom. She doesn't even know." (I am sure I am imagining people as worse than they really are. I have a fear of people thinking bad about me. It's on my list of issues on which God is working.) I know I should humbly share it and say that I respect stay at home moms and look forward to being one.

I want to say this to end my rant...that I have the right to talk about kids. That I don't deserve to be told I don't understand or to "wait until I'm a mom". That what I say is not so stupid it doesn't deserve a response. I haven't lived with a baby for 24 hours a day for years. But, if moms don't shut me out of the Mom Club, I do like to talk with them and learn from them.

Jordon

P.S. Thanks to my friend Kelly who has included me in the Mom Club more than anyone else. It is a huge blessing to me!

I Wish Ryan Were Here ... and God is Enough

Bonus! You get two blog posts for the price of one :)

Okay, Part 1, so Monday...July 4th...
I wished Ryan was home because I didn't want to mow the lawn.

I wished Ryan was home because if he had mowed the lawn, he wouldn't have hit the gas pipe that goes from the tank to the house like I did.

I wished Ryan was home because he would know what to turn to turn the gas off and stop the leak. (I was very thankful for a guy who lives in town who came and shut it off for me! I was also very thankful for my neighbor, Mike, who came over and fixed it right away.)

I wished Ryan was home to figure out how to relight the pilot light on the water heater. (I did do it myself, and it does feel good to know how to do those things.)

I wished Ryan was home to go with me when I went to hang out with people. I often feel like an outsider or a third wheel. (I am very thankful for the Liston family who did not make me feel like an outsider.)

This one's really, really brutally honest! I wished Ryan would have been home when I found out my sister had her baby...because if Ryan were home I probably wouldn't be babyless and wonderful news like that wouldn't be bittersweet.

I wished Ryan was home to take care of me when I had my first migraine. He would have been wonderful!

I am not trying to be grumpy or bitter...just want to offer you a chance to see what some days can be like for all military wives, not just me! And, again, I want to say that I am THANKFUL for the people in my life who make it easier.

Okay, Part 2 happened before Part 1 :)

I've been reading--slowly so I have days to think about each concept--Lies Women Believe and the Truth that Sets Them Free by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. One of the first lies is "God is not really enough." I realized that I have been filling my and covering my hurts with movies and food and facebook, so I took Sunday off from all those (I ate only meals not snacks.) It was SO GOOD. God is enough. God and I had some great talks. I really felt refreshed and restored. God knew I would need that refreshing because He knew what was in store for me the next day! haha Anyway, it is something I want to do more often--maybe every Sunday--to help me really think about God and how He is enough and so much more than movies, snacks, or facebook could ever be.

Jordon

It's Okay to Have a Bad Day

On Sunday, I woke up missing Ryan. I exercised. I showered. I did my hair. I struggled to get dressed. Most of my summer shirts are bright, and I felt...well, not bright. I did get dressed (in a brown shirt) and put make-up on. When it was time to leave for church, I put on sweat pants, a t-shirt, and a movie.

People keep telling me that I am being strong. It's not true, and it's okay that it's not true. I feel like I can't talk about my bad days without causing someone to worry about me. The truth is, I have weak days, weak hours, and weak moments. I think it's okay!

I think it's okay to spend some time crying on the couch. (I am not so sure it's okay to watch movies to block out the pain.) I think it's okay to talk about having a bad day.

In a my weakness, I find strength in God's promises. Memorized verses help. I also find that if I get up and make an effort to be with people, I snap out of it.

BUT.....It's okay if I (chose to) stay upset for a little while!

Here's why I say it's okay. If I am always pretending to be strong, I will push God away. Real strength comes from Him. He is my strength. He is near to the brokenhearted.

So, don't worry about me or try to cheer me up. It's okay if I have a bad day.

(I give you permission to worry if it drags on longer than a few days.)

Love you all!
Jordon

A New Phase

I think this will be a short post.

I have gone through many different phases during Ryan's deployment. Phases during which I felt like I just wanted to sleep through life until he gets home. Phases of being short tempered. Phases of being at peace. Phases of crying every night. Phases of not feeling much of anything. Phases of motivation and energy.

Recently, I have entered a new phase. It is a phase of appreciation. Not that I am appreciating the deployment itself, but I am appreciating what it has given Ryan and I.

I have had time to spend with family and friends without feeling bad for leaving a husband at home or (sometimes worse) dragging him along with me.

I have a new strength because I have learned to rely on God more. I have a confidence in God and in myself that I didn't have before.

I have been somewhat forced to make new friends and be more outgoing because I don't have Ryan as my companion in social situations.

I have a deeper love for Ryan which has grown in ways it couldn't have grown without going through this hardship together, and I think Ryan has a deeper love for me, too.

I know we both have an increased appreciation for the time we get to spend together. I know we both have an increased appreciation and excitement for our future because we have had to wait for it.

(Okay, one of my weaknesses is making too many comparisons, but I am going to do it anyway.) Sure, other couples have had the year together, and if we had our choice, we would pick having the year together, but because of the year apart we are gaining a maturity that other couples might not have had the chance to gain.

I know all along I was supposed to "consider it pure joy" (James 1:2). That seemed flat out impossible! In fact, pure joy (which I realize is different than happiness) still seems a little beyond what I am feeling or can make myself feel, but I am feeling an appreciation. It is an appreciation which I know will grow in the future.

Love you all,
Jordon

Onward

One of my goals this summer is to listen to or read all eight Anne of Green Gables books. I was listening to Anne of the Island on my way to Tama on Friday. I was listening to the part about Ruby Gillis's death. Ruby was upset about death because, even though she was sure she would go to heaven, she would be leaving all that was familiar to her.

"She had laid up her treasures on earth only; she had lived only for the little things of life--the things that pass--forgetting the great things that go onward into eternity, bridging the gulf between the two lives and making of death a mere passing from one dwelling to the other--from twilight to unclouded day."

I have heard that there are only two things we take to heaven with us: our relationship with God and our relationship with people. It was a huge blessing that I got to spend so much time building relationships with people whom I love this weekend. I spent time with high school best friends (I'll try to catch you next time, Jenna), both of my grandmas, Grandpa Hoskey, some of my cousins, and my aunts and uncles.

Death was a theme of more than one conversation. We talked about how death can come suddenly to anyone at anytime. If God decides my work on Earth is done whether in the next few minutes or 60 years from now. I will "graduate" to heaven. It won't be unfamiliar because I know God, and I have a relationship with Him.

On the other hand, I do get caught up in the things that pass. Don't you? I hope to seek to do things that bridge the gulf between the two lives. What a great way to evaluate the use of our times and energies!

Jordon

Familiar

I want to thank you if you've been one of the people in the past few days who've been concerned or praying for me. I appreciate it. I love people praying for me! I do well and stay cheerful most days. Every now and then I have a day or an hour or even just a minute when I am lonely, discouraged, or fearful, but mostly I am okay. It is beautiful that when we reach the end of ourselves, God's strength shows up! I am sure your prayers and God are the reasons I am doing so well.

Now to my thoughts...

The main reason I love to video chat with Ryan is to see his mannerisms. The way he stretches, the way he yawns, the way he looks when he is reading, the way his fingers move, the way he snorts when he has sinus drainage, and the way he smiles are all so wonderfully familiar. It is part of my love for him and my intimacy with him to be familiar with these things.

Here's the cool part. Davids says, in Psalm 139:3, "You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways." God knows and loves each of us intimately. He is familiar with all our ways! He is familiar with all our ways even more than I am familiar with all Ryan's ways. It blows a the idea of a far off uninterested God away!

I have been memorizing Psalm 139. I am only working on verses 7 and 8 now. It has been so good! I encourage you to at least read it and think about memorizing it yourself. I do two verses at a time.

Love,
Jordon

Weep With Those Who Weep

One of the first, if not the first, Bible verses I memorized (out of my cute Precious Moments Bible with the obnoxiously pink and lacy cover) was Romans 12:15 which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." It is a very important instruction. Let me tell you, from experience now, people do not like to be told the positives of their negative situation. (I think there is a Proverb that says this, but I don't know where it is.) It is much more comforting if the person trying to comfort feels bad with the person who needs comforting.

Since Ryan has been gone, I have experienced this truth in a different way than I have before. There are a few (meant to be) encouraging phrases I hear which are actually not encouraging. If you have said one of these things to me, I looked at your intent. I appreciated you were trying to be encouraging. I appreciated you care.

1. At least you can talk everyday, people in past wars did not have that chance. True. I appreciate it and exercise the ability I have to talk to my husband. We talk everyday using skype chat (sorry, let me make this very clear, typing instant messages). However, my husband is still not sitting in the same room with me. He's just not. Also, his internet does not work perfectly. There are times I sit for anywhere from a few minutes to an hour waiting for his connection to come back. If I was writing letters, that would not be a problem--just saying. Also, there is no way for him to tell me when he will be online. There are nights he works late, and on those nights I have sat near the computer for as long as 4 hours waiting for him to get online. Oh, and his time schedule is not always convenient. I stay up later than I really care to talking to him which isn't so bad now that I don't have to get up for school. Lastly, it partly feels like people are saying that just to make themselves feel better, so that they can think that military members and spouses don't really have it that bad. (Too harsh? Sorry, being brutally honest.) Last thing, I do skype video chat with Ryan, but generally we go a week or two in between because of the internet connection. I don't know how often other military couples chat, but I think some of you assume Ryan and I see each other face to face and hear each others' voices more often than that.

2. Oh, he gets leave? How great he gets to come home! Yes. It is great he gets to come home, but please don't make a bigger deal about those two weeks than you do about all the other weeks we must be apart. (I haven't seen my husband since the day after Christmas.)

3. He'll be home in August? That's coming up quickly! Okay, considering all the weeks he's been gone, yes, I guess August isn't that far away. But, it is kind of like running a marathon. Sure, a few more miles isn't hard, except if you've ran 20+ miles already, and you're tired. And, how would you be feeling if you weren't going to see your spouse or loved one for 7 weeks? I've heard some of you get upset over 2 weeks.

4. At least he's in Iraq and not Afghanistan. This one might be my fault. I said this to comfort myself before he left. The truth is, there are still plenty of people in Iraq who want to kill him and who have tried.

As many of you know, Ryan being gone is just part of my pain this year. Ryan's deployment caused us to make the decision to wait to have children which has been hard for me, but God is healing that wound. I hear many positive comments about that too which sometimes hurt more than help.

When you know anyone who has something difficult and negative in their lives, God calls us to "weep with those who weep." Not solve their problems. Not point out the positives in their situation.

Lastly, I know that I have been guilty too. Forgive me?

Jordon

Who am I?

Who am I? I am a teacher (both my job and a part of my personality). I am a wife. I am a daughter and sister. I am a perfectionist...

I don't really need to go on. It occurred to me that having a sense of who I am often provides a sense of security, but there is a big problem with that!

I got home last night from babysitting my cousin's six kids. She has them so well trained and they are so obedient that it was really pretty easy, except for Thursday night. Two hours past their bedtime, the two-year-old was crying, "MOMMY!" The four-year-old was crying, "I miss Mommy and Daddy." The almost seven-year-old and eight-year-old kept getting about of bed because the thunder woke them up, the lightening woke them up, they were worried about their sisters, and they missed their mommy and daddy, too.

Finally, I said, if it would help, the eight-year-old could call her mom and dad. My cousin comforted her kids over the phone, then asked me, "How are you doing?" Ten years ago, maybe even five years ago, as a babysitter, this would have stressed me out! I would have been worried about losing my identity as a good babysitter and a future mom. This time, I was secure. I knew that their crying didn't change who I am. They just missed their mom. Because I wasn't worried about keeping my own identity secure, I had more compassion for those poor little girls. Make sense?

My grandma was a great mother. It was what she wanted to be when she was a little girl. She had five kids whom she continues to mother plus grandkids and great-grandkids she also mothers. Here's the problem with her finding her identity in motherhood: when her youngest moved out she had a very, very hard time. Her grown kids don't care to be mothered anymore. Her grandkids have mothers already. (Don't get the wrong impression of Grandma. She's awesome. She's done many cool things that don't have to do with being a mother. Most importantly to me, she is a wonderful grandmother.)


My friend was telling me about a fight she had with her husband. They made up, but the fight was bad enough that she thought about what life would be like if she wasn't a wife anymore. She wasn't sure who she is without her husband.

I could be fired from teaching (or just stop being a teacher). My husband could divorce me or be gone for a year. My family could disown me. I don't think some of these things will happen, but you can see how dangerous it would be to find my identity and security being a teacher, wife, daughter, or sister. I could totally lose who I am.

What about my personality? That won't change, right? I hope it does! There are many character traits (like perfectionism) I hope go away, and many I hope to gain. I shouldn't find my identity in my personality rather in the One who designed me.

I should find my identity in God, but I don't always. That is why I still struggle with pride. But what I should keep at the center of my identity is that I am His Daughter. I am so loved by Him that He sent His Son to die for me. I am redeemed and holy because of His sacrifice. That is who I am. He made me a teacher, wife, daughter, and sister to honor Him. Much of my personality is meant to be used by Him, and He is developing my personality.

The better I get at fully accepting and understanding these truths, the less pride I have. The less I have to try to prove I am who I want to be (a good babysitter, a good teacher, etc.). The less I get that anxious, upset feeling when I am not who I want to be. The less pride I have, the more chance I have see other people instead of worrying how other people see me. This improves my relationships and the work I do. The less pride I have, the more I am willing to do whatever God calls me to do instead of what makes me look good to other people.

In Christ,
Jordon

Three Things

I'm sorry. I know this blogging everyday thing has got to stop. Thanks for still reading :)

First, I want to say that I did not tell the whole story of Abraham and Isaac by a long ways nor did I tell the whole story of Abraham being tested, but please check it out in Genesis 22. There are many more good things to get out of the story.

Second, I want to say that there is a difference between just giving something up and giving control over to God. Just letting go isn't going to help anything anymore than us trying to control it does. It must be given to God.

Third, I've got a dog story. So last night Shelby started whining next to my bed at midnight. About twenty minutes later, I gave up and let her out, but Sally went out instead. Shelby drank a gallon of water before I told her she must go out too. I laid down on the couch to sleep until she and Sally want back in.

At about 1, I heard dogs barking outside, know its probably my dogs, and I should probably get them back in before they bother the neighbors. I don't know why I worry about bothering the neighbors because they drive race cars around my house late into the nights some nights (really! but I'll tell you about living in Stockton some other day). So I yelled for them to come back in, they didn't, I left my shorts upstairs so I decided to go back to sleep on the couch after a minor binge on granola.

At 1:40, I heard Shelby bark at the door. When I opened the door to let her in, she went all Lassie on me and barked and ran half way back to where she and Sally had been sitting and barking. Sigh. I went up stairs and put on shorts and got a flashlight and followed her out to where Sally has gone all Where the Red Fern Grows. No, not the sad part. The part where Ol' Dan gets a coon treed and won't move from the base of the tree. Sally is part hound dog after all! I walked across the lawn picturing a rabid raccoon falling out of the tree on my head. I shine my light up in the tree...and saw an orange fluffy tail between wide spread legs and thoroughly dug in claws. I told the girls to come in with me, only Shelby followed. I locked her in the house, and dragged Sally back to the house.

So, this morning, five hours later, I am assuming the cat is out of the tree. I let the dogs out. Sally potties and makes a bee line for the tree. Lays down. Looks up. Oh, no!

I trudge out to the tree again. Trying to figure out how to help the poor cat. Do I really call the fire department and tell them my dogs treed cat? I look. No cat. Whew! Sally follows me back in. :) Silly dogs!

I'll take a break for a few days, and I'll be back with some thoughts on who and what we are and how that affects our lives and probably some stories about taking care of seven young kids for two days.

:)
Jordon

Not Just Washing the Car

So, today I vacuumed and washed my car for the second time this spring. You may not know that it's odd for me to wash my car more than biannually, but it is. Normally, it's just once in the fall and once in the spring. Now the question is, why was I washing my car today?

Well, the truth is I'm a control freak. The car being clean is one more thing I can say I've got under control. It is looking just as it should. Check mark. I have this problem. It's attached to my perfectionism and competition problems, but you don't need to know about all my issues all at once.

This has always been a part of my personality. In fact, I was looking back at my pictures from my first birthday. Mom let me dig into my cake. How do you think I did it? Both hands and a big smile? Nope. One finger.

Some of you were impressed with how much work I got done during spring break in March. Don't be. It's just evidence of my craziness. Although I've always been controlling, Ryan's deployment has caused a flare up.

I can't control what time of the day I get to talk to my husband. I can control my diet, so I eat healthy foods and Special K bars only (with the exception of Easter and Teacher Appreciation Week when I ate way too much chocolate trying to make myself feel better).

I can't control when I will next get to see my husband. I can control the way my yard looks, so I did some landscaping in the front.

I can't control whether he is physically and mentally safe from harm or not. I can control how my house looks, so I replaced the scratched up kitchen flooring.

I can't control when we'll get to have our first child. I can control the cleanliness of my car, so I am keeping it vacuumed and washed.

I wish I could say that the reason I was washing my car was out of thankfulness that God gave me a nice car, and that was part of it, but now you know the other part of it. Of course, there are certainly many, many areas of my life I don't have under control, but that doesn't matter. It's not so much what I'm doing, it's my motivation.

But, really, no one is in control of anything. Unplanned deaths, births, illnesses, and accidents happen all the time. So how do we live?

God asked for complete control of Abraham's life. He sent Abraham out with telling him where he was going. He promised Abraham descendents when Abraham had no children. I completely understand Sarah trying to control the situation and giving Abraham Hagar (I understand the control part, not the asking my husband to sleep with someone else part.). I understand Abraham going along with it. The part of the story that really amazes me, is that when God finally gave them Isaac, God asked for Abraham to yield to His control again. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. The controlling parent would be putting forth every effort to keep that long awaited son home and away from danger. God didn't just ask Abraham to allow Isaac to be away from home and exposed to danger. God asked Abraham to kill Isaac. Wow. I don't have kids and I don't understand that love completely, however I do understand the love that builds up for a child when a person waits. I love my future children very much (tears). Anyway, back to the story, Abraham yielded to God's control. He held everything in his life with an open hand.

That's how we live. Holding everything we love--husbands, kids, possessions, etc.--with an open hand. That's one thing deployment forces military families to do. I actually don't get too upset worrying about Ryan's safety. There is no way I can control that. It's up to God.

The word that has been in my mind while writing and must be in your minds as you read is trust. We need to trust God. I wish it were as simple as it sounds!

I didn't expect to share so much!

In conclusion, Psalm 139 has been on my heart. Both the beginning and ending verses talk about God searching us and knowing us. I've been asking God to search me, know me, and tell me what He finds. It's been scary, but it has been good. This is one of the things God has revealed to me. What craziness is in your heart? Do you know? God does, ask Him to show you.

Jordon

Hope

So, in case you didn't know, I really like Angie Smith's blog. I'm sort of a fan of her. I am working on catching up reading all of her blog posts, then I will comment or email and let her know how much I appreciate her which will be a momentous day for me.

Angie also posts on a wonderful site called (in)courage along with other Christian women. On this site, there are more devotional-type posts. I read this one yesterday. It should answer some questions about why I like her so much (She loves to read. She listened to her English teacher. She minored in English. She reads Emily Dickinson poetry.) It also is a beautiful description of hope.

Hope has become extremely important to Ryan and I. We don't really like our present very much. Of course, we try to appreciate it, grow, live in the moment, etc., but we also spend a lot of time hoping. We hope to reach future financial goals. We hope to do this or that to our house. We hope to be able to buy an acreage and build a house. We hope to go camping together in August. We hope most of all for children someday. As Angie says, all of these things may not happen, and God defines hope differently. We can have confidence that the things God has promised and planned will happen. That is why I named my blog after the hope I have in my salvation. The hope that ensures I will spend eternity with my Heavenly Father and my Savior.

Let me make one more point about hope. What has caused Ryan and I to hope so much? Our present difficult situation. I think our difficulties in this life help us to hope for eternity with God. That is why I so love the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. (If you haven't heard it, it is definitely worth the listen.)

If you do not have confident hope in the salvation Jesus offers and that you will spend eternity with Him, please talk to me about it.

With love and hope,
Jordon

Special Moments

My number one special moment: At the wedding yesterday, I went to say hello to my grandpa, and he hugged me tightly. Why is this so special? Because he has ALS (aka Lou Gehrig's Disease), and his muscles are growing weaker and weaker. It might be one of the last tight hugs I get from him.

At the wedding yesterday, I got to talk to one of my favorite English teachers from high school and tell her briefly about my teaching jobs. She had a big smile for me! I wish I would have told her that I use her fly-swatter game and the kids love it!

My nephew, Evan, reached his arms up to me. He remembers me, and I am without question in his circle of trusted adults.

I got to hand out Bibles and Bible verses during the dedication service this morning to some very special people.

Saying good-bye to my god-son today, he gave me a big smile and a little laugh.

My mom told me that my grandma is very proud of me for being a teacher at a Christian school.

There were other special moments in the past couple of days, but these really stood out.

What special moments have you had lately?

Jordon

Alone in a Crowd

***Update*** Thank you for your prayers. I felt like I had been prayed for. Even if you pray late, I think it still counts...time doesn't work the same way for God as it does for us. It still wasn't a perfectly easy day, but I felt everyone had genuine concern for Ryan and I. It was very appreciated!

Pray for me today, Dear Friends. One of the hardest things to do when Ryan is gone, is go to gatherings. I have a wedding and graduation party to go to today. I will see many family and some friends who I love very, very much. I just feel like I don't fit. I feel like half of me is missing. I am used to school functions without Ryan. I am used to church without Ryan--mostly. But, getting used to be around my cousins and sisters who have their husbands and kids with them is really hard.

Walking into my parent's church on Easter, I was holding my nephew, Henry. Mom told me to give him to Jenna because she needs her "security blanket." Mom was referring to the fact that Jenna has always been very shy. Mom views me as very secure, so I don't blame her, but inside I said, Jenna has two other security blankets. My security blanket is in Iraq. Why can't she share this one with me?

I realize there might be some untruths in my feelings, but this is how I feel. So, please pray for me, because, actually, the issue is even deeper than this, but I am not ready to go into that yet.

Thank you,
Jordon

Giving

Hi,
This week I started tutoring, but this morning didn't work out for any of my students to come. So, I put away the books we used this school year and got out the books my classes will used next year. Then, I left school early. I was planning on meeting a friend after tutoring and running errands, so since I left school early, I had time to kill. How to kill time in town.....hmmm....shopping! Before shopping, God reminded me that it'd been over eight weeks since I donated blood. I gobbled down the protein bar I was going to have for lunch and headed to the donation center.

The nurse recorded the normal temperature, blood pressure, height, and weight. She asked me if I gave a partial donation because I am so small. Ego boost! Really, my weight is high enough she had no reason to ask. I am healthy, but not small. Then, she pricked my finger to test my hemoglobin. I have been borderline low before, and I have not been eating a lot of red meat lately, so I was praying. God please let me be able to donate. You brought me here. My reading was 14.3, and the nurse said it was great! "You could donate extra!"

I don't know if the good hemoglobin reading was that high before I prayed or not, but if it wasn't God gave me what I needed so I could give.

People always ask me what I am going to do over my summer. I assume they are thinking about their kids and/or job and/or spouse keeping them busy, and wondering how I, without any of those things (not really without a spouse, but...you understand) , could find anything to do. Oh, I find plenty to do. During the school year, I don't have much time or energy for my friends or family, and I make up for it during the summer.

I also take advantage of having extra time with God. It is so important! So important that Jesus skipped out on sleep to be alone with His Father. He is where I find the energy to give my time and love to people during the summer. Giving blood requires a good hemoglobin count which is connected to healthy eating. Giving of ourselves for others requires being filled with God's love which is connected to a healthy time with Him.

There is popular "Bible study" illustration of this truth. Someone fills a pitcher and dumps it into a cup and uses that cup to fill another cup. The problem is that the first cup ends up empty. However, if the pitcher is continually poured into the first cup and the first cup overflows into the second cup, the first cup is never empty. There are variations of this. Anyway, I have to admit that during the school year, I don't receive God's pouring, and I wind up empty. I need to work on that. I love summer free time because it makes it so much easier to take time to accept what God is pouring into me!

I hope this blesses you!
Jordon

My First Blog

Hi, I don't know if anyone I don't know will read this. I would love that! I am going to hope and pretend that someday someone who needs to be introduced to me will read this, so let me begin by introducing myself. My name is Jordon Hoover. I am a woman with a man's name. I just wanted to make that clear because I know from past experience that people sometimes assume differently. I am married to the most wonderful man in the world (You are allowed to disagree with me on this point because I hope if you are married, you believe your husband is the most wonderful man in the world.) Ryan is currently serving as a flight engineer on CH-47 helicopters in Iraq. I teach at a small Christian school. I love my job, my co-workers, and my students very much. I really believe that education and everything that a school does is good, but without Christ at the center, it is meaningless because it does not last for eternity. You may see this as a tough stance, but I believe it.

The reason I am writing a blog is because I read Angie Smith's blog and was so very inspired. I thought I would love to bless people with my life like she has blessed so many people including me by sharing hers. I thought about this for weeks, and came to another reason to start blogging. My other reason for writing is to keep me humble. I really struggle with pride. I hope that this time of self-reflection and honesty will help me.

The name of the blog comes from Hebrews 6:19a which says, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure." This hope is a secure hope because God cannot lie, and this hope is in Jesus for salvation. I love the picture of an anchor, under the water, holding the ship of my soul in place as waves and storms come. This year of Ryan being gone has been full of waves.

I just got back from a bike ride. I thought about listening to an audio book, which has been the new thing I really enjoy, but instead I decided to take the time to think and talk to God. Honestly, I started to throw myself a pity party. I do that...often. I will try not to share those here, but I am going to share this one. I share it because I hope it builds compassion and understanding in your heart, not just for me, but for all military families and for all people who have to spend time away from their families.

Money and time are very abstract to me. I need to know how much money will buy before I understand what it is worth. In fact, money has no worth unless it buys something. In the same way, time is hard to measure. Ryan has been gone from home for six months. Maybe you can think back to November like it was yesterday. Measure it differently. Think about how many family gatherings you've been to in the past six months. Think about how many projects you've finished. Think about how many new habits you have. Think about how many new outfits you bought. Think about how many things for your house you bought. Think about how much in your life has really changed in the past six months. Now think about the military members who have given all that up. Think about the military families who have done all of those things with part of their heart missing. Before Ryan left I had very little understanding because I thought very little about what a sacrifice those in the military make.

Hmm...how do I end? I need a catchy way to sign off. I'll think about. For now, this will have to do.

Thank you for reading.

Jordon